Unify Series #3: Verdicts of Yesterday

31

"Nirene."

Akmang lalapit sa akin si Amara pero bahagya ko siyang nilayuan. It was like I am a prey afraid from her predator. Hindi ko lang matanggap. Hindi ako makapaniwala. Ayaw kong paniwalaan. Nagsisi akong nakita ko 'yong kanina. Gusto ko na lang tanggalin iyong mga pangyayari na nakarehistro na sa utak ko para hindi na iba ang paningin ko kay Amara.

"Sorry," I said and stepped backwards. "I don't know you yet."

She bit her lower lip and gasped. Nasa monitoring room pa rin kami, iniwan kami noong lalaki. After what happened, she went here like nothing just happened. I was still preoccupied because I've seen how that man was killed. Hindi ko nasundan ang galaw ni Amanda dahil nawala kaagad ako sa sarili ko.

Oo nga, hindi ko pa siya kilala nang buo.

"Nirene, I'm sorry."

"You're expecting this, right?" I let out a chuckle. Hindi ko siya kayang tignan kasi nag-iiba na ang tingin ko sa kaniya. Ibang-iba na.

"Y-Yes."

"You shouldn't have done this this early," sabi ko at pinilit na ngumiwi. Pinipigilan ko lang ang luha ko na tumulo kahit na alam kong hindi ko natatagalan ang mga luha ko. "S-Sana hindi pa muna ngayon, Amara. Masyadong naman yata 'tong maaga."

"I have no choice, Nirene."

"Yeah, right. You want to tell me this early because you don't have the guts to keep secrets from me. You know what?" I gulped and looked up. "Just by witnessing how you... how you k-killed — oh, fuck! Did you even kill them?!"

I now looked so frustrated. She wants to get near me but there is no way I'd let her this time. Marumi ang mga kamay niya. Hindi ko kayang magpahawak sa kaniya gayong alam ko kung gaano siya kasama. She's... She's like my father...

"Nirene, I'm sorry," basag ang boses na aniya. Pinilit niya akong tignan siya pero hindi ko kaya. "Please, look at me. I will explain everything —"

"I've seen it. No need for explanation," I cut her off and sobbed. I kept on stopping my tears from falling but damn, I lost it. Nagsibagsakan na ang mga luha ko at kitang-kita niya iyon.

"Look at me, please?" she begged, now hurting. It hurts me seeing her in this situation. I just didn't expect this to happen. I didn't expect this day. "Nirene, please? Tignan mo muna ako."

I shook my head. "Ayaw ko."

"Please, please? I'm begging. I want you to lay your eyes on —"

"Ayoko nga!" Now I sounded mad and I don't care. "I... I can't. I can't look at someone who is a killer, Amanda. I... I don't know. Why? Why are you doing this? Y-You know what? I... I regret loving a killer like you."

"Nirene, please." Narinig ko na ang paghikbi niya kaya mas lalong wala akong lakas na tignan pa siya. This shit is hurting me. Anong araw nga ngayon? Martes? Sino ba ang gumawa ng araw na 'to? Bakit may araw pa na ganito?

"Amara naman kasi," I paused to wipe my tears. My sight became straight blurry because of the pool of tears forming in my eye. "I hate Dad for, for being so bad. You know that he k-kills, right? That... that gave me trauma. Kasi alam mo 'yon? Dumadaloy ang dugo ng mamatay tao sa... sa pagkatao ko."

Mas lalo akong nasaktan nang masulyapan ko siya. She's crying silently, staring at me like she will do that forever until I fade.

"I h-hate my existence ever since... Sabi nila, mamatay tao ako kasi, k-kasi mana ako kay Dad. Ang sakit lang. Wala akong ginawang masama. M-Masakit ang mapagbintangan, masakit din na pagsalitaan kita nang ganoon. I... I called you killer. And I'm sorry. That hurts a lot. But... but can you tell me that... that you aren't?"