quicksand (Dazai X Reader)

scotch

So there I was standing outside the Armed Detective Agency's door, wearing a t-shirt and some yoga pants and my usual converse. This feels wrong, everyone is going to pay for setting me up like this. I swear I'm gonna make everyone's life so miserable they cry.

I opened the door and no one was there, no one really worked on Sundays unless there was an emergency. It was weird seeing the office so alone and quiet.

"I'm in the office" I heard President Fukuzawa's voice, and so I followed it to his office. It always seems like a place so far away, even though it's always around the corner. He was sitting at his desk in his usual clothes.

"Hi, good morning President" I said shyly. He motioned me to sit in front of his desk.

"We are not gonna fight today Maru-san, we are just going to talk for a while, next Sunday please be prepared because I won't go easy on you" he said looking straight at me, this man is pretty intimidating, doesn't help he is kinda hot too.

"Oh, what are we going to talk about?" I asked, honestly I was pretty curious and nervous.

"Let's go upstairs first." he said as he got up and headed to the door, and I followed right behind.

There we were in the small garden Kenji had up here, there were two benches and some chairs. So we sat down on the benches.

Then I was pretty surprised, the President went behind some bushes and pulled out a bottle of scotch and got some glasses from a different set of bushes. Gotta love this place.

He poured me a drink and he poured one for himself as well.

"How have you been feeling working here? It's been a little more than a month already." He asked while sipping his drink, mind you it was 8:30 in the morning.

"Well, it's been interesting, can't say I'm totally adjusted, but I think I'm hanging in there, people are weird but nice, the office work ain't so bad, you gave me a place to sleep and a job, I'm nothing but grateful" I said looking at the clouds.

"I'm glad to hear it, you know you can ask for help right? Even if it is to just to have a drink and talk in the roof, you are not an inconvenience, you are part of the Agency now and we help each other more than mere coworkers" he said turning to look at the clouds as well.

"I'm still trying to get the hold of that. As you can see, I am the one that takes care of people, not the other way around, it feels wrong to be helped, it makes me feel weak, I mean even my profession is helping people, making them feel compassionate with themself so they can take care of themselves without my help, I'm not used to being the one that can't stand on her own two feet" I confessed, this man could easily be a therapist, why do they need me for?

"Everyone needs help sometime, I heard you even helped Dazai with his mushroom incident, he doesn't really ask for help either, he is stubborn and eccentric, yet he let you help him" the President said turning to face me, and I looked at him confused. How does he know about that?

"Rampo notices everything then goes to my office and tells me so I can praise him" he said, reading my mind and sipping his scotch.

"And Dazai helped you back when you were having a panic attack, there's no room for shame at the Agency, as you have noticed everyone is free, that's why it's hectic and chaotic, but also-"

"Homey" I interrupted him as I sipped my drink, he gave me a soft smile.

"Do you ever think of me as a murderer?" I asked the President without looking at him, I was scared of his answer.

"No, not even once, the circumstances were in your disfavor, you did what you had to do to survive, and everyone in the Agency knows what that's like, none of them ever thought of you as someone dangerous or unworthy of trust." He looked at me with a soft smile.

"You were supervised for your own safety, and because it was possible you wanted to run away, and that's perfectly understandable, but you won't be supervised anymore, we have put you in endless situations where you could have just taken off and you never did, you are getting better" he said.

I kind of wanted to cry. I came here to get my butt kicked, not to be understood and validated. I feel myself walking on a tightrope not knowing when I'm gonna snap again and make a fool out of myself in front of everyone. But I guess that's just me taking off my defenses and allowing myself to be vulnerable. It still feels shitty but that's the road to getting better.

"Now, tell me how did you get Dazai to care? That boy is a mystery to me" said the President, looking defeated.

"He's always late, does messy work, drinks a lot and never tells anyone anything!" This man is exhausted.

"I don't think he cares, I think he just sees something to gain or to be entertained. That's been our whole dynamic. I piss him off, he pisses me off, we bonk heads, forgive each other and do it all over again, I think it keeps him amused. It's not that he cares about me in particular, I just play along in his little power game" I answered truthfully, I know nothing about Dazai, he is also a mystery to me, he is defensive and never talks about himself, only to say superficial things like his favorite food or drink, but nothing more.

"I do think he likes you more than the rest of the Agency" the President said and I gave him an incriminating look.

"Don't listen to Rampo, he just wants drama" the President looked caught.

"I am just Dazai's new plaything, he will get bored and I'll be just another one of the Agency's employees. He is narcissistic, immature, and kind of sociopathic, thank God he decided to help people cause he would be a pain in the ass as a bad guy" I said sipping my drink bitterly, I said all that as if I didn't care but honestly, it did sting a little, I knew for the very first look that Dazai is bad news and I should stay away from him, and I do believe he is not interested in me, because of who I am, but because I'm new, fresh out of the box, and he just likes that I can keep up with his little games, but I just know that once he is bored, he will throw me into a doll box and forget to play with me.

That makes me a little sad because part of me enjoys those games, the bickering, the making up by buying him food or liquor or telling him a joke.

Still I knew he wasn't gonna let me in. I never see him outside work, he has this whole life I don't know about and it's because he doesn't want me to, and I have to make my peace with that.

I just don't want to.

The rest of the day was nice. The President and I talked about our hobbies and what we like. Apparently we both liked cats a lot, I showed him pictures of my cats back at home, he loved them.

I had to call Atsushi-kun to come pick me up, I'm plastered. I haven't gotten this drunk for a while, I couldn't even stand still, he was gonna have to carry me, I better buy Atsushi some chazuke to make it up to him.

The President was in a better state but I just knew he was also drunk, we drank the whole bottle, I can drink, I ain't no lightweight so we just kept and kept on drinking.

The door opened and I almost sobered up.

"Whe-rs atshushi-kun?" I mispronounced every word, damn get yourself together.

"Well he couldn't make it, but fear not! Me, your knight in shining armor will take you home~" Dazai said as he kneeled in front of me and I could feel my face get hot. This is so embarrassing, he has never seen me drunk.

"Dazai, don't do anything weird, please behave" said the President then he let out a hiccup.

"Oh I wouldn't dare, she is quite deadly you know?" He said, giving me a smirk.

This is bad very very bad.