quicksand (Dazai X Reader)

debris

“So we are here today to think about ways to prevent the city from going boom ” Dazai said in a professional tone, placing his hands on the table as he closed his eyes. He was hit on the head with an eraser, Kunikida was the one who threw it at him. 

“Take this seriously idiot!” The blonde screamed, and I laughed. 

Dazai threw himself in the ground, as if he was shot in the head point blank, staying unmoving on the cold floor, even twitching a little bit to add to the act. Kenji and Kyoka laughed, despite the fake gruesome scene. I looked down on him, he opened his eyes and winked at me, then proceeded to continue with his role, sticking his tongue out. 

My parents looked at the performance with amusement, not really getting what was going on, but entertained by Dazai's commitment to the act. Eventually Kenji and Kyoka stood up from their chairs and went to move Dazai. The girl was poking him with a pen and Kenji was shaking him and telling him to wake up. The detective made gurgling sounds. We let them be.

“Anyways, thanks to the information Dazai got, we know there would be multiple bombs, and that there is an ultirior motive to the threat, we need to understand what are they really after and to locate the bombs so we can defuse them” The president said and the rest of us hummed, but none of us gave an idea, each of us just touching our chins or crossing our arms, looking at the ceiling to see if the answer would fall from the sky. 

“Dazai, stop playing dead and tell us what to do” Yosano was the one to speak up. The tall detective stood up quickly like a zombie, arms straight in front of him, startling the kids, a stupid grin on his face. 

“Easy! They want to ruin not only our reputation, but also the Military Police one. The chief of the Police will be assisting the Gala, now that there has been an official threat to the Agency, they want to prove not only our incompetence, but also the Police's, that way the civilians will loose moral, become untrusting of the ones that are supposed to protect them. They are after the Chief and some civilians to act as collateral damage.” Dazai explained as she walked as a zombie towards the white board. His tongue is still sticking out. 

“How do you know this?” Tanizaki asked, his voice a little shaky and with confusion in his tone.

“Because… If I wanted to create chaos in the city that's what I would do, it would also destabilize the Port Mafia, since the hit on the Police will mean other criminal organizations will gain power and cause trouble for their illicit business.” Dazai said, his tone and posture slowly becoming normal, to the eccentric standards of the detective, of course. All our attention now on the browned haired man as he opened a marker and started to write on the board. 

“First, we need a distraction, I think they will be wary of me, since well, I tend to have things my way. So I was thinking, since it was a Gala, my honey bear and I could put on a show, that will look like the whole Agency is there, because of… dun dun duun , Tanizaki's Light Snow, while the real yous are taking care of the bombs outside!” Dazai said, raising his arms up high with his hands open and making jazz hands. Everyone, including me, looked at him with a blank expression, letting out a loud sigh. 

We all turned to Ranpo, waiting for the world's greatest detective to give his approval. The man eating a lollipop only raised his thumb as if giving Dazai's plan the green light. And the man with shaggy brown hair started to throw a tantrum about how we didn't trust him and how hurt he was, we all kind of ignored him.