quicksand (Dazai X Reader)

13

"Do you think he hates me?"

Getting her out of bed and into the bathtub was a difficult task for Dazai. She seemed not to want to move at all. She laid heavily on the mattress beside the bed he had slept on as he sat on the edge of the bed trying to wake her up. The room smelled like cigarette smoke and spilled liquor on the carpet, the walls that were keeping them safe from the rest of the world were now starting to collapse, trapping them inside.

Dazai could feel the clock ticking. They did not have much time.

So he chose to carry her out of the bed where she sank and headed for their safe space: the bathroom.

Right now they were both on the bathtub steam filling the air, making the mirrors foggy and unable to show reflections, maybe that's why they liked it in there, unable to see what the mirror made obvious.

Dazai was looking at her, staring at her clouded eyes. He was thinking about how to deliver his answer, calculating the one that would inflict less damage, the one that wont make her want to drag herself back to bed. He could lie, but the thought alone made him bite his tongue. Quite literally, every time he lied, he had bitten his tongue right before, as a way of punishing himself for every deceiving word he had said.

"I think he wants to, but is unable to"

He decided to be as truthful as his wicked mind and soul allowed him to. Her heavy eyes focused and looked at the man in front of her. His hair slicked back, his eyes slowly healing, but the bruise still painted on his skin. The bags under his eyes told the story of a long and sleepless night.

"I hurt him so much it makes no sense he can't hate me" her tone was confused and angry, frustrated on how she was not getting punished for causing damage.

Dazai started to see himself in her eyes. He wanted to throw up.

"That's because he loves you"

She stayed silent, only the water dripping from her hair making small splashing sounds that echoed in the small room they were in. He looked at her carefully, the question he wanted to ask oh so desperately stuck on his throat.

"Do you love him?" Dazai whispered, lips trembling and without breath.

Her eyes met his, an unusual coldness on them as she stared so intensely at him that Dazai thought he would melt into the water and find himself getting flushed into the drain.

"No, but I could have." She whispered back, looking away from him. Dazai's jaw tensed up.

"Do you regret staying with me?"

He held her stare. Her eyes were burning with an unknown flame behind them, and Dazai could feel himself starting to melt from just the warm breeze. A small smirk formed in her lips.

"I want to, but I'm unable to."

Drip, drip, drip.

"Osamu... do you love me?" She asked with a face that reflected that she knew the answer.

Dazai felt his heart skip a beat without his control, without him ordering it to. Shivers down his spine let him know he was in a complicated situation. He wanted to open his mouth and let something other than his brain talk, but he ended up biting his tongue.

"I want to, but I'm unable to"

With a scoff that let out frustration and sadness, she stood up from the bathtub, letting the drops of water fall and make music that would fill up the silence of the room, and then she walked away, off to get ready and ignore once again, another gloomy bathroom session.