🗸 Rintarou Suna x F!Reader | Afraid to Love

Part 40: Self-Sabotage

[Felt sad and wrote angst]
[happy ending]
[Also it's my b-day :]]

'Y/n do you want something to eat?'

'No I'm fine auntie.. I'll eat at school if there's anything good'

'Okay'

She said her goodbye and you left out the door. Once you got to school you didn't sit with your team. Yet Kokomi ran over to you.

'Hey why aren't you sitting with us?'

'Sorry I just want to be alone for a little i have a... headache'

'Oh okay I'll tell the others'

'Thanks...'

Once the school day ended, you didn't stop by the store on your way home.

'Hey you hungry I made your favorite dish~!'

'No thank anyway I... got homework to do'

'Homework? She never does her homework... Maybe she's trying to be productive for once'

You got to your room and left the door open a crack. You were on your phone and not even doing anything. You were just laying on your bed. You had low music playing and then you got a text from Suna.

Mr. Bendy Fox:
Hey wanna hang out?

You:
Srry I dont feel good
maybe next time??

Mr Bendy Fox:
Sure

You sighed and got off your phone and listened to the music. For the next few days you repeated this routine. You'd go to school early and play if coach let you or sit out if she didn't. You basically stopped replying to Suna's text and just stayed in your room.

'Y/n? Y/n! Please come out of your room!'

 Silence, not even a creak on a floorboard was heard. 

'What even happened to her?' 

'I really don't know, only time she goes out is to school, she stopped eating, she hasn't even seen Suna in the past few days...'

Your aunt explained to Kokomi. They both had visual worry on their faces. 

'Y/n knock twice if your conscious!'

They waiting wanting to hear something till they heard you knock twice.

'Okay, knock once for yes knock twice for no'

'Can I come inside?'

Your aunt said right after Kokomi said that. You knocked once.

'Can I come inside Y/n?'

You sighed and knocked twice. You got up and unlocked the door. You opened the door but you weren't visible. You were hiding behind it. Before Kokomi walked it she reassured your aunt that she'll try her best. Once Kokomi walked in you shut the door behind right away and locked it. Kokomi blurted out the first thing that came to her mind.

'If this were a different situation I would say something bout the door being locked but it ain't the time for that...'

You smiled and chuckled lightly mostly blowing out air. 

'Now.. gurl why have you been ignoring the team and basically skipping practice? You barely be eating and your not talking to Suna? Why?'

'I don't know okay? I know that's not the answer you want to hear but I. Don't. Know! If I knew then I would be doing it! I don't want to do this.'

You sat down on your bed and your hand on your face, keeping your hair from falling on your face. Kokomi sat next to you and patted your back.

'Why do you keep sabotaging yourself?'

'HOW AM I  SUPPOSED TO KNOW?!'

You snapped at Kokomi, she took it, she knew there was nothing else she could do.

'LOOK I DON'T KNOW WHEN I GOT THIS FUCKED UP! IF I COULD GO BACK IN TIME AND PROTECT MYSELF FROM ALL THE FUCKING THINGS IN THE WORD I WOULD! BUT I CAN'T! MAYBE IT WAS WHEN MY FUCKEN MOTHER ALWAYS MADE ME CLEAN UP HER MESS! OR WHEN I FOUND OUT MY FATHER TRIED TO MAKE MY MOTHER ABORT ME!!'

Your aunt was able to heard a muffled yell from downstairs. She had a bad feeling in her stomach.

'Y/n...'

'NO! PEOPLE SAY IT'LL GET BETTER BUT IT NEVER DOES! AND IF IT DID FOR SOMEONE THEN GOOD FOR THEM!! BUT I'M A LOST CAUSE! EVEN IF I'M TRYING IT'S STILL NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR PEOPLE!! I'M TRYING!'

'Y/n please calm down, take a breath!'

You legs got weak, you fell to the ground. Tear started blocking your vision you saw blurry outlines. You kept pushing your tears away and Kokomi hugged you.

'i'm trying... i promise..'

Your breathing started getting shorter and shorter. Your negative thoughts, your started to say them out loud.

'But what if my best isn't good enough, I'm trying... but.. what if my best isn't good enough...' 

Your aunt was at the door. She had it open and was looking around wondering when he was going to show up.

'I texted his mom.. hurry up...'

'I'M HERE WHERE IS SHE?!'

'In her room with Kokomi but the doors locked!'

She yelled while he was still out of breath but running anyway. He knocked on the door rapidly, trying to catch his breath.

'Y/n open the door! It's me Rintaro! Please open the door!'

He had a fist and his forehead laying against the door. He heard the wooden planks of the floor creaking and backed up two steps. Kokomi opened the door and got out the way. Suna saw you on the floor with tear stained clothes and face. He rushed over to you and Kokomi turned the lock and left.

'Y/n...'

'I'm trying, right?'

'What?'

'You know I'm trying my best right? You know I am?...'

'You are trying your best...Why would you think otherwise?'

'Because I'm a lazy good for nothing and I want someone to believe that I am trying my best'

He grabbed you with one arm and lifted your face with the other.

'I believe you, I believe you one hundred percent. You're not worthless. You're great at volleyball, a great friend, great company, and an amazing girlfriend'

'Please don't leave me...'

'I promise'

'I need to hear you say it unless I'm not gonna believe you'

He looked you in the eye and promised.

'I promise I will not leave you'

You nuzzled your head into his chest and he hugged you. He carried you onto your bed and laid down with you until you both fell asleep. 

Your aunt and Kokomi were down stairs wondering what happened because it had been a long time and there was nothing. Dead silence, your aunt went upstairs with a small switch blade. She opened it and picked the lock with the tip of the knife. She sighed in relief when she just saw you both sleeping.