Serene Collision

Special:Carmins Private Journal Entry#3

Hi❤️
All rights reserved.
-malayjahthewriter

Btw: Carmin wrote this prior to New Year's Eve.

My Birthday was something.....

Leo took me to the symphony. It was completely empty and we danced across the stage. I can't even begin to understand how that happened.

The tickets themselves were expensive, but the entire place was empty.

He.....I know he did something.

They played a song from Howl's Moving Castle, my absolute favorite soundtrack of all time. As far as I know the symphony downtown never played that song. I checked their track list online.

How did he even know I liked that song?

I never play it, unless I'm alone..... but then again he is a stalker.

I could barely believe, nor comprehend what he did.

He talked to my mom. The stalker followed me all the way to the cemetery, and he talked to her.

I wish she could have met him. She'd love him. He's a bit mean to people he doesn't know, but once you get to know him, he's very sweet, very kind. He's always making jokes and smiling when he's excited.

And....Love. I want to say it to him. I want to confess, but I don't know how to do that. I've never been in a situation where I thought about love so hard. I love him a lot. I look forward to seeing him most. I just want to be close to him all the time.

I love him.

He told me he loved me, but he was drunk. Does that count? I don't want to make everything weird, but replying to something that could have been a drunken slur. But then the next morning, Leo told me himself that he meant it.

Still, I was too nervous to even respond. Too scared, and for what?

I wish I could ask my mom about this.

She'd know what to do. She always knows.

I would ask Nic, but he would just have a heart attack then start crying and accuse me of "growing up."

My brother would flip out.

I think he secretly likes Leo, he just wants to be intimidating. And he wants me to shift my focus to more of my school work, which I have been for the past few months actually.

He just doesn't want me to be so head over heels that I lose sight of everything else. But I don't think it's that kind of puppy love.

It's just love.

Leo encourages me to be better, to do better.

I do think about him a lot. I worry about whether he's eaten or not, or if he's okay. I try not to be too clingy.He really doesn't make it easy when he's always coming over--God I'm really clingy. I don't want to say I crave his attention, but I really like being around  him, and talking with him.

Or sometimes we don't talk at all. We'll just hold each other. The moment is never forced, nothing is ever forced, there's never any expectation when we're together. He's so easy to be around.

We'll just hold each other, and we won't talk at all.

Like after we came back from the cemetery. We sat in his car for a while. He just pulled me into his lap, and we cuddled for a good twenty minutes. He rocked me back and forth and pressed kisses to my ear.

Talking in more ways than one has always been something I had to do. Especially growing up. I rather liked talking the way my mom talked, which was a sign, but when I entered the school system, I couldn't do that anymore. I had to speak so everyone could understand me.

It's refreshing when I don't have to talk, when the other person doesn't force me. That's why I like sitting together when we're quiet. It feels nice.

It reminds me of home in a way. When it was just me, my mom and Joshie. Everything was always quiet.

Not many people appreciate the silence the way I do, but Leo does.

I miss him. It's holiday break right now and he's out with his family, and I'm at my grandma's house.

He made me promise I'd spend a couple nights at his place. He says he likes sleeping together. I do too.

Josh won't like that. That I know. I am eighteen, but the adults still have a kind of leash on me. I'm not really blaming them or anything.

I haven't been the most stable person this past year.

But...Leo calms me down. He ....makes hell(my life) more bearable.

See you next Friday.
Happy Pride!
Happy Summer.
-malayjahthewriter