What is this feeling?

fuck love

I put my heart on the fucking line AGAIN and all it did was get me hurt. I don't know why i continue to try with this shit we call love, when all it does is hurt you, especially me, I don't know why but love does not like me. I should have just said "never mind" then i wouldn't be here, I need to stop doing this to myself... But i can't be mad at them for not liking me, I understand why they don't, but it fucking hurt, it always does. I feel numb inside, i want to go back to sleep and dream of them again, i want to go back to the dream i had last night, when it just us having fun, talking and laughing, but once again my world was burned down and reality was holding the matches. Does it ever fail? Why can't reality side with me for once? I DON'T EVER want to fall in love again. Thinking about the rejection makes me want to puke. I want to sleep FOREVER, because I like dreaming it gets me away from reality where nothing goes my way, or how I want. I can't blame them, who would want to be with me? I can't control their feelings, but it makes me sad, Well they said "I don't know right now" which i guess was a way to let me down slowly, which still hurt. I still love them a lot! I love them more then I love myself! for fuck sake! Love, love love, why can't you like me? I want to puke because of the rejection, it also makes me want to cry and sleep... forever...