What is this feeling?

Pounding

I can feel my heart in my head. I keep having bad thoughts. I'm so lonely that i'm about to make myself an imaginary friend. I can't remember the last time i smiled. What i wouldn't give to be happy, and in a loving relationship. Most the time i have bad thoughts. I hurt my self again. It really hurt this time. someone said something that really hurt, he said " we've been wait for about a month and you're still here." thank you for letting mt know i'm not wanted. All i do is lie straight through my teeth. I'm so drained. The water isn't hot enough anymore.  At this point i might as well fill the bath with my tears. I might have to write that not on paper, i can't do this shit anymore. I'm bound to my sadness, and anger. My inner child is torn to pieces. I'm so sorry world for burdening you. You probably won't have to deal with me any more. Goodbye, and goodnight.