What is this feeling?

Sleepover

I stayed the night at Sebastian's house 2 nights in a row but there's one part I can't seem to forget, the multiple times we cuddled. At one point I was holding him and then I laid him down on the bed and I was on top of him! Thinking about that makes me blush! He wrote a poem for me, I have a hard time expressing emotions and identifying how I make people feel, but he made me a poem, and I loved it, it was so sweet! It made me all warm and fuzzy inside, it means a lot to me! One time he was even sitting on my lap! God I can't stop thinking about him! I keep accidentally dead naming and mis gendering him, because around his family I have to use his dead name and mis gender him, I also have to do that around my grandma, it sucks alot, and I keep getting confused. I don't mean to! It just makes me feel really bad. I hope I didn't make him uncomfortable this weekend. I hope he had as much fun as I had, I miss him alot though, I know I'm going to have attachment issues. I just want to be back in his arms...