Marriage, a Heartstopper Fan-fiction

Chapter Fifty Scared

(TW mention off self harm)

Nicks perspective
I had ordered the perfect flower arrangement I just know Charlie will go crazy when he sees it. They will be ready for pick up tomorrow so I need to think of another excuse to tell Charlie without him because suspicious. He was having a really tough morning today and i'm not sure why, I just hope he's had enough space and will let me love him I miss him already and it's only been like two hours. Well I was there picking out the special flower arrangements I got a small bouquet of white roses for Charlie so I could maybe cheer him up a little bit. I parked our jeep and headed up the elevator to our apartment. When I opened the door I saw Charlie sitting on the kitchen floor with shards of glass surrounding him he must have dropped a glass. "Are you ok babe did a glass break" it's like he was frozen then when I said something he just started cleaning up the glass like a scared kid about to get in trouble. I walked closer to him and bent down to help "Babe let me help" "It's ok I made this mess" he replied. I didn't care that he broke a glass I just didn't want him to get hurt. "You shouldn't be
picking up the glass you could get hurt ill grab a broom" I walked out of the room to get the broom when I noticed some bloody paper towels on the bathroom counter. I knew he was going to get hurt picking up the glass I wish he would've just use the broom. When I walked back in to the kitchen I noticed some blood on the ground and quite a bit of it which really worried me plus Charlie was acting awfully weird.

I kneeled down on the ground to check if he was ok and how bad his cut was. "Charlie let me see your hands" I said, he looked at me in panic he almost looked scared I was staring to get really worried about him. "Charlie let me see your hands! Why didn't you tell me you got cut" he pulled his hands tight against his body and said "it's fine it was only a small cut" "I don't care how small it is I want to make sure your ok" he lifted his hands out in front of him showing me them, I examen both his hands and there wasn't a single cut on ether of them. A single tear rolled down my cheek as I realized what had happened well I was gone I should've never left, this was all my fault. With a nervous tone I looked him in the eyes and said "Can I see your wrists" Charlie immediately bursted into tears, in this moment I had known for sure that he had cut himself on purpose, I had to ignore my feelings and focus on helping Charlie that was the most important thing right now. Before even looking at the cut I scooped him up into my arms off the kitchen floor and took him to the couch I sat down sill cradling him in my arms I gently pulled his arm closer to me and rolled up his sleeve the cut was deep really deep and was still bleeding a little bit it was long and went across his whole wrist, I had never seen such a large cut, this really scared me I felt my heart pounding and my hands shaking but I need to stay strong and calm for Charlie he needed me. I touched the cut and he flinched pulling his arm away "Sorry I shouldn't have touched it" he started crying harder well saying "No I shouldn't have done this i'm crazy" I quickly said trying to reassure him how amazing he was "No don't ever say that about my boyfriend again he's sweet nice handsome caring and the most amazing guy i've ever met" He replied "You still think that after how mean I was to you this morning" I knew this morning he wasn't mad at me or ment anything that he said he was having a rough morning. "Of course Charlie how could you ever think that, it's ok if couples fight every once in a while, that doesn't mean I will every stop loving you" He smiled a little but I knew he was in pain I don't think he had every cut himself like this before and knowing he went that deep scared me so much. I needed to know if he was trying to kill himself for real, when he self harmed a long time ago he never had the intentions to kill himself he just used the pain as an escape but this cut looked really deep like he was actually trying to end his life. This made me feel bad, almost made me feel like if I was a better boyfriend he wouldn't need to do this. It was eating me the thought of him actually purposely trying to end his life, I was crushed.

A few minutes pass by Charlie was still laid in my arms like a baby all cuddled close, I was tickling his back and rubbing his neck trying to comfort him as best as possible but I needed to know the answer to the question. "Charlie did you try to actually kill yourself because the cut looks really deep and im scared" He looked up at me with his beautiful blue eyes that were puffy from crying "No no I didn't I just felt so angry with myself for being such a dick to you and then I dropped a glass and when I was picking up the shards I felt the sharp end on the glass and I wanted all the feelings I was feeling to stop so I cut myself trying to focus my brain on something else, I had never ment to go that deep the glass was just really sharp" I had never really understood the reasoning behind cutting but when he explained it, it made sense. "Charlie please please never do this again I hate seeing you in pain and it really scares me I don't know what I would do without you, your my world and I love you more than anything." He smiled and kissed me before saying "I regret it I was so stupid to do that i'm sorry" I stroked his forehead and said "Next time you feel like you need a distraction from your thoughts or feelings you know you can talk to me this is not the answer, I don't want to see you get hurt I love you too much for that"

Authors Note
50 Chapters WOO HOO thank you all for the support it wouldn't have been possible without all of you supporting me so thank you and ily 😘