Marriage, a Heartstopper Fan-fiction

Chapter Seventy Five dysmorphia

Nicks perspective
I made lunch and set it out on the table for us Charlie is still in our closet rumbling through his whole wardrobe to find the perfect thing to wear he wants to impress his parents and look nice, which is normally a good thing except when it comes to Charlie he's insecure and has body dysmorphia, causing his body to look bad in his eyes, kinda like his mind is playing tricks on him. When he looks in the mirror he sees untrue things. Charlie will never find a perfect outfit, he always thinks he looks bad in everything, I try to keep him away from the mirror as much as possible but in not an obvious way so he doesn't feel worse. I've been checking on him to make sure he's not got himself all worked up about it, many times he'll
just get so angry blaming it on the clothes but I know he's blaming himself he just doesn't want to worry me and sometimes admitting stuff out loud makes everything real, it's not just in your head anymore it's out in the open, then your vulnerable. Something that bugs me a little that really shouldn't and is really selfish of me is, he talks to Elle about it and not me, he's told me about it a few times but he goes straight to Elle first and I know it's because she understands the struggle first hand but I wish he would open up to me about that more, I don't have body dysmorphia but at times I can feel self conscious about my body I definitely don't have abs or a six pack and my stomach isn't completely flat and next to Charlie I look like an elephant! It bothers me a bit so I understand what that's like, not to the extent that Charlie does but still I could help him. I feel so out of control like i'm in the backseat when he keeps things from me. We haven't been even living together for a year yet and I know it will take time, patients, forgiveness, and many mistakes before we can fully understand each other but I will try everyday until that happens no matter what. I could hear some chatter coming from our closet now he must be talking with Elle I called it, I don't want to disturb them but I do want to make sure Charlie was alright we needed to eat lunch and get ready to leave pretty quick and I was hoping to maybe have a little bit of time to maybe go for a walk or something before we left just in case the dinner doesn't go well. I quietly walked into the closet revealing the big mess on the floor, Charlie saw me and told Elle he had to go "Bye love you" he said as he hung up, I instantly felt a bit guilty for intruding on their conversation "Charlie I could've just left if you still wanted to talk to Elle" he turned to me looking up at me from the floor he was positioned on "No I didn't want to talk with her anymore" My face turns puzzled with confusion to what has happened so I inquire "Char what's wrong" he looks down at his lap and fiddles with the loops on his jeans "Mmm I don't know" he says as if he was asking a question uncertain of what was happening. I bent down beside him and rubbed his back "well are you stressed about going to moms house I know you guys have had a few arguments on the phone lately" he considered what I said then opened up "yeah she's mad at me for a million different things and I want to show her how much i've grown and that i'm not a disappointment son after all, theres just so much pressure in me and I can't take it" I grabbed his head and brought his forehead close to my lips then kissed it a few time before telling him "You were never a disappointment of a son so please never talk about my fiancé like that he's sweet caring kind empathetic supportive comforting and hilarious he's never been a disappointment it was the people around him that didn't understand him or support him that were the disappointment not him" he just slowly and softly wrapped his arms around me it was gently but felt so warm and strong like the feeling of walking into a well built sturdy tree house. He held on to me for a long time, breaking the silence I said "Why are there all these clothes on the floor I can help you clean them up if you need help or are feeling overwhelmed" I said as soft spoke as I could , before he said anything else I pulled him from a hug onto my lap facing me, showing him he has my full attention, then he spoke "My OCD is acting strange and compulsive because i'm stressed and I needed to re organize my clothes but then I realized that we needed to leave by 2:00 so then I was freaking out about the time then Elle called and distracted me more and then she asked what I was wearing and then everything looked bad on me so I gave up" he was talking so fast it was hard to catch everything but I think I managed , I thought about how I could be of help to this situation It's hard because I can't fix his OCD and I can't make him see himself the way I see him... but I could relieve some of the stress by taking some things off his plate. I stood up and stuck my hand out to help him off the floor "Ok well i'll pick out your outfit then help you fold and organize this stuff we can do this together Charlie your not alone i'll always be here" he shoots me a smile and takes my hand before saying "Ok but don't pick out just joggers and a sweatshirt" I laugh and say "How did you know I was going to pick that" he smirks "Because you have thing for me when i'm wearing that type of stuff" I laugh again knowing it's true he just looks so cute in oversized comfy clothes so cuddly, as if I could hug him all day.

Authors Note
ITS ALMOST TIME FOR THEM TO LEAVE AHAHHA 😭😭😭😭 quick question if y'all have time it's ok if not! what's your favourite other Alice Oseman book characters like from radio silence, I was born for this, loveless i was thinking of planning a crossover with maybe some of the other characters if that makes sense like an idea I already had was Nick and Charlie go see the band with jimmy from I was born for this. Just a suggestion let me know!!!