𝙍𝙀𝘿 // 𝘽𝙄𝙇𝙇𝙄𝙀 𝙀𝙄𝙇𝙄𝙎𝙃 𝙁𝘼𝙉𝙁𝙄𝘾𝙏𝙄𝙊𝙉

back after a year

billie

"excuse me." i said as i bumped into a body.

"bil." his voice echoed through the large hall.

"who-" i turned to look at his face and my heart instantly dropped. "no, sean no." i speed walked back to the elevators.

"please just let me talk, billie!" he walked behind me.

"sean leave me the fuck alone! i will call security on you." i shook my hands and wiggled my toes as i waited for the lift to arrive. a fucking year.

"i just wanted to say i'm sorry i'm so sorry." he began to apologize. "i shouldn't have done what i did and i know that, i'm sorry, i really am."

"shut up! i don't want to hear it, i don't want to fucking hear it!" i covered my ears with my hands. "if you don't leave i will scream, i swear i'll scream."

"i love you, i'm sorry, i'm sorry." i could hear him continue. i had enough and i stared screaming as loud as i could and that's when the elevator dinged. i was about to enter when i saw finneas.

"billie? what's wrong?" he asked, concerned but didn't ask again because he saw sean next to my crying self.

"get out!" he pushed his away. "security!" he yelled. "get the fuck out of here!" he pushed him again. "what the fuck is wrong with you? getting close to her? huh?" he pushed him again. "i don't want to ever see you again." he yelled as security started escorting sean out.

"i just want to talk!" sean yelled as we was being dragged out. "fuck you!"

"get in." finneas forcefully grabbed my arm and pulled me into the elevator. "come here" he hugged me tightly as i cried. "it's okay, i'm here, you're safe." he kissed my head. i squeezed him tighter and he squeezed me even tighter. "i got you."

"weren't you two supposed to be gone?" laura asked. fin was shook his head.

"can you hold the door please?" finneas asked laura she did after replying with "yeah"

"let's walk to the green room?" he asked softly. "i'll hug you all the way there, then it'll just be me and you, okay? will you do that for me?"

i nodded to his chest and we started walking to the room, like he promised, he never let go of me. we sat on the couch my head burried to his chest as he moved my hair away from my face. i didn't say a word i just laid there as finneas comforted me.

"do you want me to call mom?" he softly asked and i nodded.

"mom, i need you to come into the green room." finneas tried to keep his voice low as he rubbed my back. "yeah, i know laura kept the door open." he said before taking a pause because mom was talking. "you'll know, she just needs you right now."

in less that thirty seconds mom burst through the door. "oh honey." she slowly approached me. i moved a little to free finneas and captured mom instead. "i'm here, i'm here." she whispered softly as i sobbed in her arms.

my phone started vibrating, mom looked to see who it was. "it's blue, do you wanna talk to her?" mom asked, a small smile tugged on my lips but i shook my head. i can't be talking to her looking like this and i can't even get a word out my mouth. "okay." she said putting the phone down beside her.

it pinged a couple of times before it became silent again. i closed my eyes and dozed off listening to my mothers heart beat.

my eyes fluttered open, i was still in moms arms but i quickly realized that our surroundings were different. we were back home, in my room, i let out a comfortable sigh and mom almost instantly started checking up on me.

finneas told her what happened, which i'm really greatful for, because i really didn't feel like it. although i know that i'll have to explain everything myself in therapy later today.
-

"and what was going through your head when you saw him? did everything go blank?" shannon asked.

"it was like i was reliving the whole thing all over again. just seeing his face instantly made me like, watch myself, watch my past self with him. it was like a billion moments flooding my brain with these nightmare memories all at once, i could see them all at once." i answered. "and just, why the fuck would he harass me a year after he broke up with me?"

"what did you do? how did you react to it?"

"i tried to block him out, i plugged my ears, as if that was going to do me any good. i then threatened to call security, and i don't know why i didn't call security instead of threatening him. i, i guess, maybe i just wanted to know why he did what he did. like i don't understand how a person is capable of so much harm to another, i wanted to get a reason even if it was a bullshit reason."

"what do you think you would've done if you got that one reason you wanted?"

"revenge, i want revenge, i want those years back by taking even more years from him."

"why haven't you gotten it yet?"

"i'm scared. i'm scared of the media making it define who i am. i'm scared he would be found not guilty, i'm scared to let people know this about me. i'm not ashamed of what happens to me, i know i'm not but, people could be so ignorant and i don't want to hear anyone's opinion on my story."

"you mentioned blue earlier, why do you think you haven't told her yet? is it because you don't trust her?"

"no, it's not that. it's the same thing here, i don't want it to have an effect on our relationship. i'm scared if i told her she will start being careful with me, sexualy, like i'm this fragile being. we're in a really good place and i don't want to fuck this all up."

"a year ago, you were scared you won't find someone to love, or someone that would love you."

"i- i don't think that anymore, no, but his voice is always there telling me otherwise when no one is around or when i'm trying to sleep, when it's so quiet. you know? and i just want to punch the shit out of him because i know i will be okay." i answered. "and i'm not just trying to convince myself that i'll be okay, i know i'll be okay, it's a fact."
-

A/N: short chapter sorry :(
you know billie's past, blue doesn't know any of it. you know glimpses of blue's past though, but billie doesn't know any of it either. when will you learn the whole truth? when will they let each other in? i don't even know lol, stay tuned ;)