𝙍𝙀𝘿 // 𝘽𝙄𝙇𝙇𝙄𝙀 𝙀𝙄𝙇𝙄𝙎𝙃 𝙁𝘼𝙉𝙁𝙄𝘾𝙏𝙄𝙊𝙉

i got you

blue

"blue?" billie's voice echoed through the studio. "are you here?"

i didn't answer, but i could hear her take off her shoes and hang her jacket beside the door. the bed started sinking as she crawled up it and stopped when she sat beside me. "blue? are you awake?" she put her hand on my lower back.

"blue? i'm starting to think you're dead." she softly said. i clenched my teeth so hard it must have cost permanent damage to my teeth. if i started crying i'll keep going and before i know it, i'll be a fountain with salty water.

"i know you're awake, you haven't answered your phone all day. i called your dad, he said i should probably come over, i was going to anyways but him saying that made me even more concerned." billie spoke up again. "are you okay?"

"no" i choked up, rolled over to her arms, buried my head in between her arm and her thigh and started hysterically crying.

billie was completely frozen for a couple moments, i think she was in shock. i've never cried this hard in front of her or even ever.

i don't even know if mom even deserves these tears but i just can't help it. i was trying to deny it but i actually thought fiona miller would finally get her shit together. again my fault for thinking that.

billie layed a little bit further down then proceeded to adjust my body, putting my head on her chest, my hand on her waist one leg on top of hers and squeezed my as hard as she could.

it's the only way she could tell me that she was here for me and she wasn't going anywhere. mostly because my cries were too loud she couldn't get a word out if she wanted to. but eventually she could get some words in and she would just repeat the same exact words over and over again. it was comforting.

"i'm here", "cry it all out", "i got you", "it's okay, it's all gonna be okay.", "i love you", and just once she said, "you don't have to talk about it now, it hurts i know, but you got this. i'm here."

i already had a panic attack before she got here and that rounds that up to two that day. ended up crying myself to sleep, i was exhausted.
-

"she doesn't want to see you because she scared too." dads voice was heard. i just woke up, didn't even try to open my eyes but when that sentence came out of his mouth my eye darted open.

"good morning." he smiled.

i was in the same exact position i was in yesterday when balling my eyes out. "i had to call and ask him, you got me really worried yesterday." billie but her lip, waiting for a reaction from me but i just nodded. i can't be mad at that, i would have done the same thing.

"what are you doing here?" i sat up and rubbed my eyes.

"fiona doesn't hate you she loves you, that's why she doesn't want to see you. she's scared that if she came back into your lives she's going to fuck up all over agin and disappoint you again. she thinks she protecting you this way." dad explained.

"why does everyone think i need to be protected?" i cringed as i said that. i had the worst morning breath anyone could ever have, i got off the bed, walked to the bathroom and started brushing my teeth.

"because we are your parents."

"remember when you and i had that one fight and i was so mad, to the point where i started calling you richard and not dad? i don't know how this never came to mind until now, but why do we even call her mom? if anything jasmine deserves that title more that blood relative did. we should start calling her fiona, kinda wish she had an ugly name that she hated though. that way it would really suck." i spat the toothpaste out of my mouth onto the sink and washed my mouth.