𝙍𝙀𝘿 // 𝘽𝙄𝙇𝙇𝙄𝙀 𝙀𝙄𝙇𝙄𝙎𝙃 𝙁𝘼𝙉𝙁𝙄𝘾𝙏𝙄𝙊𝙉

none of that matters

blue

it's one week before christmas and it's also billie's birthday. i want this to be her day but all i can think about is how i'm going to have to tell her i'm not going to be around for her twenty fifth. she's probably going to be secretly happy that i won't see her age with wrinkles and a limp because of her weak ass ankles though.

we're going to her parents house to celebrate, it's a tradition they do every year and maggie makes a homemade cake from scratch just for the occasion. of course billie knew about it so there was no need to lie and tell her i wanted to "hang out" with her parents.

everything was pretty chill at the party and it didn't last long, really. after we all had lunch, ate the cake everyone made their way back to their home which included billie and i.

i don't know about her but i just want to cuddle and talk to her all day and night. we don't have to be out clubbing to make this day matter. we have each other, at least for now.

i changed my clothes and put on my usual sweatpants and hoodie look, both of them were billie's. i go under the bed covers, because i was especially cold today and started scrolling on my phone. i was waiting for billie to get a off a phone call, someone called her to tell her happy birthday and she's been talking to them for half an hour now.

"sorry, i couldn't get off the phone. every-time i wanted to say goodbye she kept on pushing the conversation." billie sighed, climbing up the bed and getting under the covers next to me.

"that's fine lovely." i kissed her cheek.

"what are you doing?" she sang.

"watching tiktoks, not anymore. now all my attention is going to shift to you." i put my phone on the night stand.

"hey do you know anything about why claudia is acting so weird? finneas and i noticed that today but then he said she's been like this for a couple days now." she frowned her brows.

"i don't know, didn't notice anything." i shrugged. "maybe it's the new mother emotions getting the best of her?"

"yeah i guess, finneas said he was going to sit down and talk to her today anyway."

"that's good." i moved a piece of hair from billie's face so i could see it better. "when are you planning on becoming a blonde again?"

"never." she shook her head.

"but you said you would!"

"do you have evidence of that? because i don't recall me saying that. like you just made that up out of thin air and that is not acceptable at all."

"do you want me to start recording every single conversation we have? because i will." i acted as if i was going to grab my phone.

"if you were to do that and post clips of it online we would be billionaires." she laughed.

"of course cause you're already a millionaire." i rolled my eyes.

"bro you need to drop that shit! i'm not a millionaire!" she slapped my arm.

"you have millions of dollars. you're a millionaire." i deadpanned.

"yes, but i'm not!"

"whatever you say." i shook my head.

i don't know if i'm allowed to say i'm going to miss this when i'm gone. because if i'm gone... i don't know where i'm going. am i going to heaven? hell? is there an after life?

i really hope there isn't one because i would miss everyone so bad everyday and i'll be able to watch them grieve me when i'm right there but can't do anything about it. but then on the bright side, if one of them passes away i'll get to be with them. still i'd rather this be the end.