𝙍𝙀𝘿 // 𝘽𝙄𝙇𝙇𝙄𝙀 𝙀𝙄𝙇𝙄𝙎𝙃 𝙁𝘼𝙉𝙁𝙄𝘾𝙏𝙄𝙊𝙉

miami show

blue

yesterday was a lot for both billie and i. i told her about my past with the terminal disease i had and she listened to me and held me while i weeped. then we almost had sex but then i learned about what her last partner did to her and i held her as she weeped.

we both ended up sleeping in each other's arms from exhaustion without even knowing that we did until the next morning when we woke up. i was fighting the eurge to tell her "i love you" every second of that morning, as we got ready for the day. we didn't speak a word to each other though. hate that i don't know what she's thinking.

"do you think i should do eyeliner today? just for the first show?" billie asked with a raspy voice when i was doing my own makeup at the vanity.

"yeah, you really should you look really cool when you have eyeliner on." i replied with my own raspy voice.

"alright, imma do my makeup at the big wall mirror right there." she took her makeup bag and made her way to the mirror.

"you can do it here billie, this is a big ass vanity." i chuckled, because this vanity was truly huge.

"no it's fine, i like doing my makeup on the floor." she replied and unziped her bag starting her routine. the room was in complete silence once again, except for when the products on either of our bags would collide together. once i was done, i picked out an outfit for me to wear, broke the silence to ask billie which shoes she likes best, she answered me and went back to focusing on her makeup.

i thought my hair needed a little touch up so i got my curling iron out and curled my hair real quick before billie got to be done with her makeup. she usually wears her show outfits at the green room so she didn't bother with taking her time on clothes. "we gotta pack fast, we are not coming back to the hotel." billie told me.

"what? i thought we were spending the night here again, what happened?" i stood up and immediately started packing my stuff and organizing billie's if it was in the way.

"turns out there isn't enough time for us to come back since we are driving to orlando with the tour bus, matt just texted in the tour group chat." billie answered.

i slid my phone out of my back pocket and saw the message on my home screen. "want me to pack your bag while doing mine? i'm an excellent multi tasker and our stuff is everywhere." i offered.

"yeah sure, i'm almost done anyway. it would be nice to have a head start." billie shrugged.

"hey blue?" billie said after a little while.

"yeah?" i said as i started putting all the stuff the bathroom away and into the suitcases.

"is it okay if i need more time before we do anything sexually? i'm sorry, i just have been thinking about it non stop and can't not think about it. i want to know how you feel." she said.

"i'll wait for you for as long as you want. we'll go at your pace." i said emerging from the bathroom. "don't care about sex, i don't want to have sex with you. no- that's not what i meant. of course i want to have sex with you, but i don't want it if you don't, this is enough for me. if you're not ready, i can wait, i'll wait forever if i need to. you don't have to worry about me not having an orgasm because that's just stupid." i said as i walked over and sat next to her. i want her to know that that's genuinely how i feel and i'm not just saying it to make her feel better or something.