𝙍𝙀𝘿 // 𝘽𝙄𝙇𝙇𝙄𝙀 𝙀𝙄𝙇𝙄𝙎𝙃 𝙁𝘼𝙉𝙁𝙄𝘾𝙏𝙄𝙊𝙉

bouns: dream

billie

"hello everybody!" i said before laughing off the mic's range. "it's been a while! how are you!?"

roars filled up my chest. that's when i know i feel complete. i missed this, although it's weird being on this stage knowing that there is a random person i employed working in blue's place. it's not just that. before that it was finneas, it has always been a person i loved so dearly and it's just not the same now.

sure as this tour keeps going i am going to naturally become closer to crew members, but it's not the same. i found myself looking at the spot she always stood at, smiling at me, as if she was waiting for me to share that moment with her, but of course she wasn't there.

i don't get to share these moments with anyone on stage anymore. all i can do is take it all in, live for the both of us, smile for the both of us, perform for the both of us and have the time of my life for the both of us.

"are you ready for the first show of 'forever love'!?" yelled into the microphone. even with my ear piece on i could hear the loud roars.

aria is somewhere here, watching me. i'm sure she's very confused on why i'm on stage and why this many people are screaming for me. i tried to explain to her what i do for a living, she just doesn't understand it. i wouldn't expect her to, she doesn't really know what fame is yet. it's just funny to see how she reacts every time.

winter by her side, making sure her ears are protected and she's having fun, i spotted them by the vip area. i waved at ari and she started waving back and jumping up and down, the smile on my face somehow got even wider.

"alright before this first song, i just wanted to warn you i'm probably going to get emotional at some point, so please don't mind that." i warned. "ignore my sensitive ass." they all roared in response.

"okay shut up, this is ursula!" i yelled into the mic before the song started. everything was perfect, everyone knew all the words, the team perfected my vision, the screen behind me wasn't fucked up and i was having the time of my life.

"okay." i breathed out after a couple songs and many minutes of me jumping around like a hoolagon. "every show on this tour, i'll be singing two songs that aren't mine. blue never had the chance to sing any of her songs live and so i will be doing that on this tour. obviously it wouldn't be the same without her but i'll try me best, this is 'murder doctor'." the crowd was quieter when i talked about her, they always were and i appreciate it, it's comforting.

i looked up at the vip balcony and saw that blues family actually made it to the show. i smiled with tears welling up in my eyes, i missed them so much.

jasmine noticed that i was looking their way, she waved at me and sent a fly kiss.

"jazzy?"

"yes honey?" she said as she held me and brushed through my hair.

"i don't know if blue ever told you, but she used to always tell me about how you saved her so many times. she loved you so much." i whispered.

"oh blue." she whispered to herself... i think. "you know, i remember once, i walked in on her crying. we had a fight at the dinner table earlier, i asked her what was wrong, and why she was crying, she replied: 'you're the best mom i could ever ask for, but i don't deserve you' and i asked why she thinks that, she replied: 'well because i keep wishing for fiona to come back and you're so sweet to me and i'm so mean to you. i don't deserve you' and i just held her until she fell asleep and later i did too."

"hi cole!" i said into the mic the moment the song was done. "do you wanna get on stage with me?" i asked and she immediately shook head. the crowd did not like that, everyone started chanting her name and hyping her up.