A normal day? I wish for nothing more than that. At the moment, my life is a single shard pile that I have to walk barefoot over. With each step, the cuts become deeper and yet the pain fades. That's how it will be, my future...
I go further and so...
That night I dreamed of Harry and how likely a meeting would take place. What would he say? What would I say? Would we even understand each other? Where will we see each other? And especially when? My sleep was not very deep, because the humming of the coffee machine made me wake up in the morning. Steve was just preparing our breakfast when I lay down again to reach for my cell phone. "Good morning baby" sounded a rough men's voice from the kitchen. I couldn't even think clearly, just looked briefly at the time and realised that it was definitely too early for a conversation. I sat up briefly and looked towards the kitchen, my view was still blurred and I could only see the outlines of everything. I got up drunk in sleep and set my legs in motion. A short kiss on my cheek and a smile on my part. I wasn't ready for more right now. I took the finished cup of coffee and sat at the counter, I stretched myself and took the first sip. "FUCK!" I called out loud, I had probably forgotten with all my fatigue that coffee is hot. I bit my lip, Steve looked at me with one eyebrow pulled up. "Are you okay? Have you been in your thoughts again?" His dark brown eyes studied me while I just shook my head "Emery, what's going on?" He asked me seriously. There it was again, this bad conscience because I couldn't tell him what was really going on in me.
I tried to get out of this misery again and again, I laughed briefly "what should be?" And so the matter was checked off again. Nobody asked seriously, I often wondered if anyone would ever really care how I feel. Does Steve also sometimes pretend to me that he's fine?
Recently it felt cold to be near him, as if a window was Open. I no longer felt the warmth that surrounded me at the beginning, it was suddenly gone. That's probably how it is when you're together for 6 years. It's not the same as it was...
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