Shadows of Tomorrow

Chapter 49 - The Siege of Mandalore Begins

Author's Note: We finished writing Shadows of Tomorrow, and it's 100 parts! :)

For anyone who's wondering (or worried), events will diverge almost completely from canon starting the mid 70s. :D (However, that does not mean that there won't be changes and build-up before then because there absolutely will be.)

~ Tirana Sorki

Her entire life has totally changed in the past few hours, and Ahsoka is hardly sure how to feel about it. She spent the last eight months trying to avoid the Jedi and her past, even for as much as she often wanted to come back. She missed Anakin and Theseus, and even Rex, terribly, and it's hard to believe that she just met them again.

Now that she's back, she doesn't think she'll be able to walk away again. What's more, she doesn't think she wants to. After what happened when she was with Rafa and Trace Martez, she realized that her place is as a Jedi, even if the rest of the Order is still not what it should be. Their betrayal still hurts, and she can never look at them the same way again, but she doesn't think she'll be able to leave again either. Not after this.

For a moment, she thinks back to how Anakin and Theseus were acting right before they parted. They're a lot closer, and it almost hurts. She was never there to see their relationship change. So much might be the same, but so many things are also different, including that. Would they have gotten closer if she'd still been with them? She doesn't know, and it's not like she minds, but it's hard seeing how they have a much easier time talking to each other than with her now.

Maybe leaving the Order was a mistake, but she still doesn't know what better decision she could have made. She needed to leave, with her faith in the Order so badly shaken, but interacting with everyone she used to know is so hard. It's why she'd feared coming back, even as she'd often look up into the night sky, wondering where the rest of her family was, and if they were alright. Anakin is famous though, and she'd hoped she'd hear if something happened to him.

She's definitely glad to be back – and probably is far more excited than she should be that she's going to get to fight again – but it's... hard.

Shortly after the ships have jumped to hyperspace, Ahsoka finds herself alone with Theseus again. And suddenly, she has no idea what to say.

"How have you been?" she asks finally, even if it was probably the worst way to start their conversation.

Theseus shifts. "I've been better. And worse."

It's like they have no idea how to talk to each other anymore, because it's true. Should she start by saying something about herself? Not that she knows what that would be either. "What about Anakin?" Ugh, she's making this even more awkward.

Something seems to darken almost imperceptibly in his expression. "How do you think he's been?" he asks, "You... you left him."

The tone isn't accusing, but the words still hit her hard, especially because of how true they are. "I didn't have a choice," she retorts finally.

"You didn't have a choice?" he repeats, "You chose to leave. Even if –"

"What was I supposed to do?" Ahsoka retaliates. The words sting, and maybe they're both overreacting and misinterpreting what the other person is saying, she's not sure. "I couldn't stay in the Order after what they did!"

He huffs out a breath, turning away. "I... I know. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like – like that."

Ahsoka sighs. "I know it hurt you, but I didn't know what else to do."

"I understand. But it hasn't been easy to accept." She can hear the suppressed pain in his voice and wishes she could see the look on his face right now. Although maybe talking will be easier if they aren't looking at each other.