Loki X Reader One-Shots [SLOW UPDATES]

#48: I'm Not The Man They Think I Am At Home

Someone told me that "Rocket Man" by Elton John can be interpreted as being about the trans experience, and now I love the song even more.

Anyway, today's story is a request by savageuzumaki, who requested a Loki X Trans!Demiboy Reader (he/they) where Loki comforts the reader for dysphoria (so trigger waring: gender dysphoria). All you fem readers do read it too bc I love it, and anyway, you might not be a demiboy, but you're not an Avenger either and yet you've read dozens of stories where you are soooo :)))))

Anyway, ✨Enjoy✨

Published on October 2022

...

Loki's brows were furrowed when he entered the sitting area of the Avengers compound, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jacket and looking around. The morning light was streaming in through the windows, and he raised an eyebrow as he gazed over his surroundings.

"Has anyone seen Y/N?" he asked a few seconds later, standing near the door.

Thor and Clint, who were the ones currently in the room, looked at him thoughtfully. "I'm not sure. Have you seen them today?"

"I saw him," said Clint, raising a finger. "He's somewhere round here, probably. Did you check the bathroom?"

Loki let out a long sigh, and Clint turned his gaze elsewhere, scratching his chin. "No," said the God of Mischief.

He brought his hands to his nape and rubbed the skin there, leaving behind a line of little white lines, and then turned around to leave the room and head to the bathroom in search of his friend. Before he could walk past the threshold, however, Thor's voice reached his ears.

"Oh, right, right--I saw Y/N too. They seemed a bit upset, so I thought it'd be better not to bother them, though."

Loki spun himself around again and shook his head, and a wave of worry washed over him. Upset? Why would Y/N be upset? (Of course, there were many reasons for anyone to be upset, but Loki wanted to know why that was the case in this particular instance in order to bring Y/N some comfort.) His fingers tapped out a sort of even rhythm on his thigh as he thought, drumming his heel back and forth with his other foot.

"Go check on him," Clint suggested.

Loki's wan smile argued with the worsening feeling in his stomach. "Yeah, I will," he muttered under his breath, and after standing still for a second, processing his thoughts and the information in his head, he turned around and left the room.

~-~-~

Y/N's hands gripped the edges of the porcelain sink as his eyes went up to his reflection. His gaze went from his collarbone to his throat and down to his chest, which was exposed to the chilly breeze that entered through the crack between the window and the frame. Just a couple of feet further, his binder lay discarded on the floor, next to his rumpled shirt. His eyes, now filled with tears, looked back at himself in the mirror. I hate this.

The porcelain felt colder under his fingertips, and the air more frigid against his chest. Wetness bloomed in his eyes, and he turned to wipe away the tears with the heel of his palm.

"Y/N?" The voice broke him out of his emotional and physical disarray. "Are you in there?"

All right, Y/N. Keep calm. Just keep calm. "Loki?" he mumbled, doing his best to keep his voice from wobbling, but his best was not good enough.

He heard Loki's steps outside the door, and his feet appeared under the stall door, sliding on the tiled floor. "Are you okay?" Loki's hand made the plastic door rattle softly as he placed his hand on it, but he didn't try to open it.

Y/N considered lying for a moment, but what would he achieve this way? "I'm not sure," was all he could manage. He choked up a bit more, and Loki sighed.

"Okay. Do you want to talk about it?"

Y/N unlatched the plastic door before his mind could stop him, and he observed Loki's face as it contorted with concern. He drew back, and Loki slid into the stall, and his hand reached for his shoulder.

"Please do not touch me," he said. "I just... I just want to-" he managed to utter before sobbing again.

Loki put his hand back down to his side, but he leaned close to him. His lips parted as if he wanted to say something, but then his eyes went over Y/N's shoulder to the binder and shirt on the floor, and his lips went shut. He stood there for a moment, and then he walked across the stall as Y/N shut down and picked them up. He kneeled down in front of Y/N and draped the shirt over his shoulders, careful not to touch his skin, and placed the binder on his lap. Y/N's gaze locked on it.

"It felt too tight today," he said. "It can be quite uncomfortable, but usually, I can handle it. Today, though..." His voice trailed off, and the sob he was holding back finally escaped his throat. "It's been getting to me lately that... It's been hard..."

Y/N leaned forward to the other man's chest, crying into him as a surge of protectiveness took over Loki. They stayed like that for what felt like hours, Loki's arms wrapped around Y/N, both unsure of what to do next.

"I wish I didn't have to try so hard," Y/N muttered at some point. "I wish I could snap my fingers and get rid of"--he motioned his hands in front of his chest--"this." He swallowed down the lump in his throat. "Just like you can."

Loki didn't know what to say; it was true that, whenever dysphoria got to him, he could shapeshift into a more feminine form of himself. Y/N couldn't do something suchlike. He wished he could teach him magic, but a Midgardian couldn't simply bypass reality and alter matter in that way.

"Will you put it on again? Or do you think you could get through the day without it?" he asked.

Y/N's jaw trembled a little, and he shook his head. "I think I'll put it back on," he said. "And if it gets too bothersome, then I... I'll see."

Loki's chest clenched, knowing that Y/N's feelings were much more serious than discomfort because of the binder; it was a far deeper thing. It was the fear that he wasn't enough, that he couldn't be the man he wanted to be, that he wasn't the man people thought he should be. The fear that there was something fundamentally broken, something that couldn't be fixed, no matter how hard he tried.

He didn't speak as he got up or when he offered Y/N his hand to help him up. He stood in silence, watching Y/N struggle to put his binder back on.

"Are you all right?" Loki finally asked, when the other man had finished.

"Sort of." Y/N stopped, rubbed his forehead, and grimaced. "It's just... hard."

Loki nodded. "I imagine it must be."

Y/N took a few deep breaths and closed his eyes. "Sometimes I hate it here," he said quietly, through lips that trembled.

"I know," Loki replied softly. He smiled a little. "But just so you know, you have nothing to prove to anyone."

Y/N only stared at him and nodded, and then the corner of his lips curled up a bit. Loki smiled back.

"Well," he said, his hand coming to Y/N's shoulder. "I think we should head back."

Y/N nodded. "Yeah, I guess so. And... thank you."

"For what?"

Y/N shook his head. "Everything."

...

Yeah, so that's it. :)

I just want to clarify that I am not trans, so if I have written something--ANYTHING--that is inaccurate/offensive about the trans experience without realising, please, please, PLEASE just tell me. DON'T dismiss it, please. I promise I won't be mad at you.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this.

Take care till the next time. ♥