Loki X Reader One-Shots [SLOW UPDATES]

#19: I Can't Imagine A World With You Gone

Hello again!
Last time I promised angst, didn't I? Well, this is a request by LadyViSaxon904 (it took me a while... Sorry...).

The request: 

"I'm kinda in the mood for angst, so I was wondering if you could do a songfic of either Hold On by Chord Overstreet or You Said You'd Grow Old With Me by Michael Shulte? Maybe the reader is going through a really rough time and Loki is afraid of losing her?"

So, I listened to both of the songs –I really liked both– and I finally chose 'Hold On'. I have it on top of the chapter if you want to listen to it while reading –I highly recommend this.

Trigger warnings: suicide, mental illness, angst in general

Anyway, I hope you'll like this ♥

Punished on February 2020

...

Y/N glanced at the empty orange bottle in her hand and then closed her eyes. It will be over soon, she thought to herself; all she had to do was wait, it wouldn't take long, after all, just a few minutes. No more pain. It sounded so good, and it would soon come true.

She felt tears welling up as she thought of Loki. What would he think when he'd find her lifeless on the bathroom floor? She tried to write him a note but didn't know what to tell. How could she justify the pain she would cause to him? He'll move on, she had thought to herself eventually as she left the paper and the pen aside. After all, he knew what had happened, and she wished he would understand.

If Y/N truly felt that she was capable of staying for Loki, she would. Before that day, she wanted nothing more than to get better and be strong enough to stay. But as the walls closed in on her, she stopped believing she could.

The accident... Joanne, her best friend... Such a good girl she was, and now she was gone forever. It was her fault that Joanne was gone... No, she shouldn't think about Joanne, not now. It would be over soon. Everything would be over.

Y/N didn't want to hurt Loki or anyone, she simply had exhausted her emotional reserves to continue seeking other options, and this was the ultimate state of burnout. Her capacity for emotional pain had outweighed the amount of time she was able to wait for relief; in other words, she had had enough. She knew he loved her, but it was not enough to make her stay.

As darkness devoured her senses, she could only think of one person: Loki. I love you. I'm sorry, was the last thought that crossed her mind before consciousness abandoned her, and then there was only blackness and no more pain.

~-~-~

Loki knew something was wrong from the moment when he entered the apartment. One could call it a hunch, but, anyway as he shut the door, the silence alarmed him. He walked inside, placing his backpack on the sofa.

"Y/N?" he called out, his voice intense, throbbing with fear, "Y/N?" he repeated, this time louder.

Nothing. No reply, not even the slightest sound. He searched in the house, calling out her name, but still no sign of her. Then he glanced at the bathroom door and, in seconds, he walked to it and knocked.

"Y/N, are you in there?" he asked, trying to conceal his panic.

Still nothing. Loki attempted to open the door, but it was locked. Damn it!

"Y/N, please, open the door", he said as fear began taking over and pushed the door while turning the doorknob.

He knew she was in there, he could feel her presence, and he could feel she was not okay.