crack chapters

Loyal

I think he knew.

That he knew since the beginning. I loved Patroclus he was one of the most beautiful people I had ever seen. He was my soulmate my light my everything that belonged together. But I loved Adrian more.

Something drew me to Adrian but not Patroclus. I don't what it was, was it his soft skin or beautiful eyes or had I just gotten bored of Patroclus?

I knew it wasn't right the first time Adrian kissed me but I kept wanting more even after I pushed him away. Soon I was chasing his touch his warmth his everything.

Patroclus never said a word and never spoke up when I would give him a simple kiss and leave the house. The moment I stepped out the door knowing Patroclus stood on just the other side was he oblivious to it? Or did he love me enough to make himself oblivious? I would never know the answer to that. I didn't want to know the truth either.

And maybe he didn't either

Guilt ate me up inside when Patroclus welcomed me home with a warm smile and my fucked up hair and marks down my body clear but somehow he ignored it with a smile that reminded me of fall and a grimace.

The guilt followed me everywhere. Controlled my every movement but Adrian made that all fade away. With him, I worried about nothing I was his and he was mine. Even if it wasn't the way it was supposed to be.

Me and Patroclus pledged ourselves to each other not long ago. We promised to never take back those words of love but I wish sometimes he would just cheat on me.

So that the guilt of what I was doing would finally leave. If Patroclus did that we would finally be even and both be in the wrong unlike me by myself.

Adrian, Adrian, Adrian.

My mind screamed at me to be in his arms. I craved his warmth no matter how much he reminded me of winter with his long lashes and soft face. His hands were calloused from holding a sword and scars that ran deep down his body marking his every perfection.

Patroclus would still be the only one I would know in the dark. Our souls were once half of each other's but now Adrian made me feel complete while Patroclus only made me feel contempt.

I would know Patroclus in death but I would know Adrian in life. Adrian was something I urned for. I could only ever breathe truly around him. I could only ever smile around I could only ever exist for him.

I walked through the door to my and Patroclus's bedroom and laid on the bed the pillow was wet with tears. He wasn't here I could only ever hope he had found someone else but deep inside an itch of jealousy crept up.

Patroclus was mine and mine only.
But I wasn't his.

I knew no matter what happened he would be by my side. Waiting for me to come back to him after it was all over. For me to place a kiss on his head and run my hand through his hair and kiss his worries goodbye.
Loyal until the end.

Those were true words on how to describe Patroclus. I knew no other way now I felt empty around him. There was no spark to my soul when I saw him no fast-beating heart. No nothing.

I did not love Patroclus anymore.