crack chapters

happier than ever V

I still don't know if I regret leaving or not, but something inside me snapped that day. Watching them, my boyfriend, correction ex-boyfriend and fake wife hug and kiss on the day of his departure was enough to drive anyone insane.

Was I not good enough for him? Was the marriage even a real thing or did Theseus just plan it? I was scared to know the answer. Maybe Lucas asked for a way out and she created a marriage in another kingdom. 

Now she was here. Ten years later looking exactly the way she did when I left. The same perfectly good posture and fiery red hair. 

I think as much as she tried to avoid me, I would be able to spot her anywhere. Maybe it's how much I missed her, but I think it's how I craved her, her soft hair and natural leather and smoke smell.

The soft smiles I would get if she approved of something I did or was drunk enough and wasn't thinking straight. Not that I would see that now. 

Even from the courtyard I could see her blinding red hair as she talked to some unknowing merchant. Mini Theseus tugged excitingly on my hand, and words of the queen or Epira spilled out of her mouth. Is this how Theseus felt when I rambled her ear off? Maybe. 

Theseus nodded and handed two golden coins over to the merchant, the merchant smiled, and she left with a small nod. 

"Daddy! let me talk to her again please!" Theseus begged, I grabbed her by her arm and picked her up. I knew she would run off without it, "No, because she's a queen we mustn't bother her" I lied. 

Mini Theseus whined; we could still see her across the sea of people. She wisped through the crowd swiftly with much ease. I remember how crowds were always her biggest defense, for having hair as bright as the sun she was easily able to blend in. 

I breathed in, my chest felt heavy and so did my lungs. "Let's go" I couldn't bear to see her no longer. Mini Theseus squirmed and fought back. I made a mistake. 

I still remember the day my whole world fell apart and came together at the same time.

"Daddy! Daddy, she's here!" Theseus squealed running at me with her arms out. I turned away from my wife and picked up Theseus as she jumped in my grasp.

"Who sweetheart?"

"The Queen!" My heart fell into my stomach, please no. "Theseus!" Fuck. My hand tightened on Theseus's leg.

She whined, and flinched back, struggling in my grasp. "William" my wife muttered harshly, grabbing Theseus from my hands. I let her take Theseus, I fear what would happen if she didn't.

She still wasn't over Theseus's name, my wife accused me of still loving Theseus for months after she was born. I couldn't tell her the truth, or I would, I wish I could scream everything with Theseus was fake. Then she would know I was gay, then my whole life I fought effortlessly to keep in line, going down the drain.

It took months to convince her that it wasn't true. It wasn't my plan to name her Theseus, we were both set on Elaine, but when she was set into my arms 'Theseus' blurted out of my mouth. My wife who was in too much pain to disagree let it happen. 

Sometimes I stare at mini-Theseus and hate bubbles under my skin. But then I think this is how Theseus could have been if she was born someone else if the pressure of the kingdom didn't rely on her.  Then I felt compelled to raise her to as best of my abilities, I was making Theseus live vicarly through her. If you were to ask, no I didn't feel guilty about it.  

It's been over a year since she left now. I still look for her in the courtyard, or behind me like she used to be, not that she would ever approach me. She would stand there, her eyes piercing into my soul, it almost made me crumble as my breath caught in my throat and my body wanted to crawl back to her. I was missing her, and I hated that.