Hard to love (J.JK)

Special Ch 4: A Tough Journey

Y/N

The end of my lips slightly curled up looking at Jungkook flashing a bright smile at his phone. My head was resting comfortably on his shoulder as I admired his face. 

''Look.'' I squinted my eyes for a moment due to the bright light coming off his phone, but that instantly faded once I saw a picture of Chanwoo with his wife and child. 

They were enjoying the sun in spain. They looked so peaceful and happy that it was something that could bring joy to others. Chanwoo looked like a goof with a big pair of sunglasses as he held the phone to take a picture. It's probably the happiest I have ever seen him smile. 

His wife looked gorgeous as she looked at him with a small smile. Her eyes said enough, she was admiring her loved ones. Her skin was beautifully porcelain tanned and her hair hang loosly in damp curls. Between the two was their baby son she held. The little one his hair was wet and his skin exposed to the sun. He wore the brightest smile off them all, allowing his eyes to disappear. 

I couldn't help but chuckle as I took in the picture. 

''He grew fast.'' I spoke referring to the child. Jungkook nodded as he placed away his phone. 

''Chanwoo sure took his vacation on the worst time ever, but seeing this I can hardly complain.'' A hand wrapped around my waist pulling me closer as Jungkook turned himself towards me. 

''He'll be back in a couple days.'' I reminded, my mind still lingering on that picture. 

''Y/N.'' This time his voice turned into a carefull whisper. My eyes shifted from his chest to meeting his eyes as I tilted my head up. He seemed nervous, I could tell he wanted to avoid my eyes but he didn't. Instead his hand cupped my face caressing my cheekbones gently. 

''We never....really talked about it you know.'' I closed my eyes for a moment, my fingertips brushing against his wrist.

''A child.'' I confirmed. His lips got pressed into a thin line as he nodded.

''Do you want to have one? Or....are you not ready right now?'' Perhaps he should have asked me this before tossing away the condom. 

A small laugh erupted from within me, not because it was actually funny what he asked. It was just cute too see how he was trying to be considerate though I already know that he is dying to have a child of his own. 

If I would say I want to wait, he would already have a list with 10 reasons why we shouldn't wait. That's just how he is. 

''To be honest.'' My hand clasped around his wrist firmly. 

''I'm...scared.'' If it is one thing I know, It's that when it comes to topics like these I should be open and honest. Instead of trying to shoulder my burdens alone. 

Its not that I only started thinking about pregnancy now, it was something on my mind ever since we got back together. I talked about it with Chanhee but also Chanwoo his wife Hyerim. Both of them had different experiences but one thing was the same. It was a tough journey and as the days passed it made me think If I was able to overcome it. 

''I know that at the end of it all, we'll get something undescribale in return. As many say the whole pregnancy that came before it will no longer matter, but....it's still something hard to me.'' Jungkook didn't say anything he just carefully listened while his grip on me became tighter. 

''Hyerim told me about her labor day. It took her 8 hours before Sungho was delivered. It was painful and draining to the point she wanted to give up. The thing that scared her the most was the constant unease of not knowing if her child would be healthy. When she gave birth to him he didn't cry at the beginning the doctors rushed him away from her. Luckily all was well afterward but the whole journey took just such a huge toll on her. Not only physically but mentally as well. During the pregnancy as well there are a lot of difficulties.''