Hard to love (J.JK)

Chapter 41

- Y/N's POV- 

No matter how I tried my hardest to fall asleep....this really isn't going to work. My back was facing Jungkook....he is already sleeping right? I carefully moved his arm away from me allowing me to get out of the bed. 

''Where are you going?'' I stopped in my tracks feeling a firm grip around my wrist.

''The couch...'' I muttered feeling somewhat nervous. I can't believe he isn't sleeping yet. 

A squeal left my mouth feeling myself being pulled back towards the bed. Being turned around to face Jungkook my heart skipped a beat seeing his face so close to mine. His eyes were closed as if he was too tired to even open them up and his arms were holding me close against him. His nose lightly brushes against mine and noticing how I was admiring his face I felt a bit embarrassed. He has quite some long lashes.....

''Why would you go there?'' His voice came out as a whisper and as he spoke he still didn't bother to open his eyes. 

''I know you like..'' I stopped my sentence for a bit. Hearing myself say this really hits different.

''I know you like me....but I can't really sleep comfortably like this,'' I confessed just hoping I wouldn't hit a nerve. 

''Like this?'' Why did his voice come out so serious? Seeing him open his eyes I felt my body tense up. That gaze, that strong gaze don't tell me he is mad? 

''Ah you see....holding me the whole time. I can't really lay com-''

''If I don't do it now then when?'' He spoke cutting me off. This time I mustered the courage to look back at him but seeing that intimidating look made me quickly look away focusing on his neck instead. 

''What do you mean?'' I asked softly feeling myself getting intimidated by him already. Wait a minute since when am I like this!? Why he is playing a victim right now?

''You'll be leaving me soon. I'll probably won't be able to see you for months. So....at least for the last days that you are still my wife.....let me hold you'' Hearing him confess that my eyes shifted back to his face. Only to see him look away, a hint of pink on his cheeks. 

''You....You're blushing!'' I shouted out slightly lifting myself off the bed pointing at his face. Rolled onto his back he placed his hand on his face covering it from my sight. I leaned my hands beside his head hovering over him to get a closer look. So far for tough guy Jungkook....right now he just seems like a cute girl blushing. 

''Madly blushing. Your ears are all red and even down till your neck'', I commented slightly touching his earlobe. It felt like his ears were burning. Perhaps it's the first time that Jungkook confessed things like this? His hand moved away from his face and instead wrapped their way around my wrist slightly pulling it away from his ear.

''Don't touch me like that...'' He muttered under his breath his face still showing embarrassment as he looked to the side. What is this feeling in my chest...? I felt my heart clench and it was hard to hold back a smile. Jungkook is just mad cute right now. Is this really the same Jungkook that I know? He is always so busy trying to get me flustered with his actions but actually seeing him get flustered.....was a very satisfying sight. 

''Ah sorry....'' I cracked up pulling my hand away. 

''If you would be wearing a wig, and if I was a guy I would be crushing over you seeing you like this.'' I teased obviously hitting a nerve. To him it's just an insult.

''What did you say?'' A warning came in his voice rather coming out cute than intimidating as I got off him. 

''That you're cute when you blush. Kinda reminds me of an innocent girl'' I joked wanting to annoy him more. 

''You sure know how to tick me off!'' He grunted trying to reach for my arm to pull me towards him but instead I dodged it just in time sticking out my tongue.

''That confession just now was really cute Jungkook! Almost made me wanna hug you'' I teased once again seeing his face heat up causing him to break eye contact. Unfortunately this time I wasn't in time to dodge his attack feeling him tackle me against the bed pinning me down. 

''Stop talking'' he groaned from beside me, his head resting next to mine.

''Stop being so butt hurt, I was just teasing you'' I replied. Okay enough with the teasing I won't anymore. He lifted his head looking at me. I held in my laughter still noticing how embarrassed he was, but that laughter quickly got swallowed down noticing Jungkook leaning in. His breath fanning my lips as he tilted his head pressing his chest against mine. 

''Stop making me wanna do things to you.....that I can't'' My heart was ready to jump out of my chest. I didn't have to think twice about what he meant, the hint of arousal in his voice gave it all away.  

I didn't dare to talk thinking that any movement of my lips would make his touch mine. At a certain point the memories from that night came flashing through my mind. The way Jungkook pinned me down like this that night as well and the way he started touching me. 

''I'll go to the couch'' It felt like I was holding my breath this whole and finally was able to breathe again seeing him pull away. He let go of me grabbing his pillow from beside my head. Not sparing me a look he left the bedroom settling down on the couch.

-----------------------------------

I opened my eyes feeling the morning sun sting my eyes. I grunted as I turned around away from the window having no light interrupt me. 

No matter how I think about it. Jungkook is a male....and he likes me. Being with me in the house it's not weird to trigger certain desires within him. If I would allow him to do so it would only be extremely selfish from me.  Cause I don't feel the same way about him.....For me it would be like having no strings attached but for Jungkook it would hold a different meaning. 

-TBC-