Hard to love (J.JK)

Chapter 48

- Y/N's POV- 

''Come on it's getting late...'' He was about to stand up but my hand reached for his wrist pulling him back. I clenched my jaw focusing on the ground. Come on Y/N.....say it. Stop overthinking so much. 

''I......'' Why is it so hard to breathe? 

''I like you...Jungkook....'' Finally, I was able to say it but the anxious feeling from within didn't fade away. 

''I love you'' I corrected hoping that it would be clear to him. 

The truth is...I'm not good at expressing myself, not when it came to these things. Romantic feelings towards someone else. Ever since Changmin died that part of me got locked away. Ah, I still remember why I said I wanted to get a divorce in the beginning. To find someone I would truly love and marry that person was it? Who was I kidding? I just wanted to be on my own. Whenever I told Chanhee I felt jealous of her having a loving husband and child, it's not because I wanted someone like that. It's because she got to marry someone she loved since high school, they never split apart and eventually got married and started a family. I felt jealous cause her special person was still in this world. While mine wasn't.....There has always been this red string attached to my finger. When I follow the thread it leads to Changmin. He is standing at the end of it, the thread connecting us both. I know that he is waiting for me to break it, the smile portrayed on his face is telling me.....to let go of it and move on, but I never could. But now when I look.....I see Jungkook at the end....and Changmin beside me. 

''I'm sorry.....I'm really selfish. Hurting you this whole time..and now telling you such a confused confession. I...I didn't want to face how I really felt, so I have been avoiding it. I realize that now.....'' There was no response....No response at all. I took a deep breath steadying my heartbeat before looking up, wanting to see Jungkook his reaction. My eyes widened. He wasn't looking at me. He was looking at the side, the back of his hand attached to his mouth trying to partly hide his face. I could see his cheeks and ears appearing bright red. 

Jungkook he.....really changed. He never had problems forcing himself on me, touching me with his confident and slightly cocky remarks...but right now. Hearing my confession he was blushing bright red not even daring to look at me. 

''Jungkook.....'' I muttered softly. My hand held onto his arm wanting to remove it from his face. I wanted to look at him properly, I wanted to talk to him properly, but he wouldn't budge. Instead, he leaned away from me more. 

''Say something.....please....'' 

''I messed up, didn't I? Everything turned into a mess because of me, telling your parents I wanted a divorce but here I am confessing my love to you. If only I wouldn't have been so stubborn. If only I wouldn't have left....'' Oh, no...I'm going to cry again. How can he love me? After what I did to him......

''I'm sorry for not loving you back from the start. I'm sorry for not staying by your side....I'm sorry I wasn't more considerate regarding your feelings. I'm.....really sorry. It's my fault...I'm the one who left.'' Tears were streaming down my face as the feeling of guilt and regret started to eat me from inside.

''Seriously....I'm sorry. I'm really a cruel woman, aren't I? I'm sorry''

''I'm glad you left.....'' Finally, he spoke up. I lifted my head locking eyes with him. He removed his hand away from his face and instead placed it against the side of mine. 

''I'm glad you left....if you didn't nothing would have changed..'' His voice. So warm so gentle it comforted me. I just sat mesmerized looking at Jungkook while tears slowly stained my cheeks. I watched him lean in connecting his forehead with mine while his fingers brushed against my cheek.