Hard to love (J.JK)

Chapter 44

- Y/N's POV-

''It this my punishment? For the bad behavior, I had when we were kids.....for hurting you so many times. Eventually falling in love with you, being in this one-sided relationship. It hurts... I never thought that being in love with someone and that someone not being able to return those feelings would hurt this bad...'' Jungkook his words came out soft and shaky with unsteady breaths. Along with his words, I felt myself slowly starting to crumble. I never knew that it would hurt him like this.....

It's different. Minseok confessed his love for me as well, but when I'm with him...I don't feel bad. He is always cheerful, tries to lift my mood, and help me out. Everything stayed the same...he stayed the same, but when I'm with Jungkook. It feels like all I ever do is hurt him. Everything I do hurts him, so I thought my leaving would be the best for both of us. Giving him the space he needs. Yet.....while he is hurting because of me he still wants me to stay. He wants me to stay even though he knows I don't like him like that. He wants me to stay even though certain actions of me will hurt him. Why is he hurting himself like this?

''I don't think it's a good idea if I stay.....you know that too'' Finally I managed to speak. I was only realizing now that letting Jungkook hug me like this....and hugging him back is only making things worse. I placed my hands on top of his arms pulling them a bit to the side. He didn't struggle and removed his arms allowing me to turn around facing him. Instead, he rested his hands on the balcony each one resting beside my figure, trapping me. Relieve washed over me seeing that he wasn't shedding tears, but his expression did seem dull. His eyes held no emotion....as if life itself got sucked out of him. 

''Do you love me Y/N?'' Such a sudden question got thrown at me catching me off guard.

''I....I don't know'' I felt stupid giving a reply like this. If I could just say a stern no it would help Jungkook move on...yet saying 'no' was something I couldn't get leaving my mouth.

''Alright....'' he muttered before taking a couple of steps back and heading back inside. I did so too following behind him. 

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2 hours have passed already and at this moment I was just dying to go home. My feet were killing me! This whole night Jungkook got engaged in all sorts of conversations with various people from other companies. I stayed by his side as his wife, occasionally making small talk as well, and before we knew it 2 hours passed by.

''Thank you, please have a safe trip'' Jungkook bowed bidding his farewell to some guests as I did the same. I noticed Jungkook glimpsing at this watch before locking eyes with me. Somehow when he looks at me I start to feel extremely nervous. 

''Should we head home too?'' He asked and it didn't even take me a second to nod my head. 

''Y/N!'' Turning my head our conversation got interrupted seeing Minseok jogging his way towards me.

''You're going home as well?'' He asked before looking at all the other people around us who were slowly leaving the room. I guess the event really did come to an end. 

''Yeah, you too?'' I asked with a smile seeing him nod. My body felt tense just knowing that Jungkook and Minseok were both in my presence. Minseok nodded his head with a smile before looking passed me...to Jungkook.

''Drive safely'' he spoke directed to him and I felt my heart pick up its pace. Oh please don't start a stupid argument again!

''I will'' Jungkook spoke in the plainest way ever. I turned over my shoulder locking eyes with him, my eyes widened a bit feeling him shove his car keys into my hand. 

''The car is parked at the side of the fountain. You can go, I wanna talk with Minseok'' Jungkook spoke and I could feel a shiver go down my spine. Is it really okay to leave those two? I looked over at Minseok but seeing him totally focused on Jungkook it seemed he wanted this conversation as well.

''Okay....'' I muttered softly before taking my leave.

- End Y/N's POV-

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- Minseok's POV-

Most of the people already left leaving the room quite empty. 

''I'm sorry'' Before I could even say anything Jungkook began talking. Was I hearing this right? Looking at him I noticed his face turned to the side and his cheeks slightly turning into a cherry color along with his ears. I couldn't help but slightly chuckle at the sight. 

''For how I treated you when we were kids.....and how I acted to you ever since. I reflected on my actions a long time ago and wanted to apologize...I don't expect you to forgive m-''

''I left that all in the past'' I interrupted finally noticing him meeting my eyes.

''Well, it would be a lie of me to say that I never despised you. Of course, I did, but we are both adults now, both of us has changed and matured. Thank you for apologizing, I accept it. I hope we will get along from now on'' I smiled as I stuck out my hand. Without hesitation, he reached for it shaking it firmly, but by looking at his face I noticed that something was on his mind. As if he wanted to ask me something, but was debating whether he should or not. 

''Go ahead ask me'' I implied as we pulled our hands back. He looked at me with a confused expression and I replied it with a soft smile. 

''I can tell that you wanna ask me something.'' I made clear once again that shy look appearing on his face. 

''D-Doesn't it hurt?'' His eyes immediately shifted to the ground and I felt my shoulders loosen up. The Jungkook in front of me right now.....is really different. He really did change.

''It does...A lot. Right?'' I smiled but he wouldn't budge. I noticed his hands slightly tightening. I know exactly what he was talking about. 

''At first, I found myself distancing from her, but to Y/N it didn't matter how I felt about her. She just wanted to be with me. So I figured if I would start distancing myself it would only hurt her. We shouldn't blame her after all love is just not that easy. Sometimes you don't know even realize when you fell for someone.'' Jungkook started to lift his head locking eyes with me. He was carefully listening to my words.

I sighed slightly tilting my head back. 

''Being in a one-sided love there are two things you can do. Move on...or just don't give up. I decided on the second one.''

''I don't know....what I should do'' Jungkook replied softly. He really seemed lost....Lost and hurt. 

''You do know, you just don't wanna commit to it. I'm sure it's harder for you since she is your wife, to be honest, I'm glad I'm not in your position, but we shouldn't think that the only ones suffering from this are us. I know her well enough to know that Y/N is suffering from this as well. She doesn't want to hurt us.....perhaps that's why she isn't able to throw out a clear rejection at us. We should think about her as well, so instead of shoving our feelings on her without thoughts, we should keep those for ourselves. She knows how we feel that's more than enough. If we keep on pressuring her with our feelings it will only make her feel like a bad guy'' Silence fell after those words left my mouth.

''Minseok'' turning around I noticed my boss calling out to me.

''I gotta go. I'll see you another time'' I smiled slightly slapping the side of his shoulder before taking my leave.

-TBC-