Forgiving them is my gift to them
Moving on is a gift for myself.
I walked towards their home, their home, which was never meant to be mine. I thought rejecting your soulmates would break your heart, it actually did but in return it healed my soul. I feel like the first drop on rain on a parched land, I feel like the sweet fragrance of soil after a drizzle, I feel alive than I have ever felt .
With each step in that direction I felt confident in my own skin. I'm not the Andrea Cullen who was insecure and depressed, I'm the phoenix born out of ashes of pain, I'm wiser than yesterday but a little bit stupider than tomorrow, with all my faults and flaws I stand as the Andrea Cullen I adore .
I gripped the box full of their possessions that was left in my apartment. I came here to return it and Haul hated the brilliant idea. When I arrived at his doorstep he was seating on his porch, head on Jeena's lap, legs pressed against his chest, tear smeared face. Jeena was no better, though she was keeping herself strong for Haul's sake I could see the black clouds forming in her eyes. Haul leapt on his feet once he saw my figure standing, I still feel the warmth of his bone crushing hug. He had never cried in front of me before and seeing him like that broke my heart so I cried with him. Jeena joined us and again it was us three against the world.
Mustering all my courage I rang the doorbell. Footsteps approached me and then with a flung of the door, Taehyung stood in front of me.
Distress is was could describe him. Hair disheveled and outfit untidy, he had never looked like this before but it changed once his mind registered me standing in front of him.
" Andrea " Tears slipped from his eyes and was soaked in by the collar of his polo shirt.
He came forward to embrace me but with a firm determination I held my hand in front of me stopping him. He looked at my hand but before he could say something Hana's voice broke the silence.
" Andrea I missed you so much! " She cried and rushed towards me but again I didn't let her embrace me .
" Frankly I didn't this time " I chuckled remembering what I did this whole month. It included going to a therapist, taking care of myself, watching all the web series I've missed and playing my guitar while watching the sunset by the ocean. It was fun and I really needed this little vacation with myself. Now I know what I want and what I deserve.
" You are finally back, we contacted everyone, Haul, Jeena, Hyejin, Sungho but all of them refused to give us your number or location" Namjoon's figure appeared on the door and slowly one by one all of them were standing in front of me, Happy, smiling and relieved.
" I'm glad this time you didn't hire Ayden, Noah or Sam to track me " I smiled at them, something that came from the bottom of my heart on it's own. It wasn't forced, it just appeared naturally, I guess that's the result of therapy.
" About that Andrea, we really are sorry "
Jin spoke, he was like Taehyung too. Defeated and frustrated of his decision.
" I know and I guess I forgive you too. And I ask for forgiveness too, for my wrong doings " I placest down the box, though it was light, it still started weighing me down with the emotions I didn't want anymore, with the responsibilities that aren't worth it.
" Aren't you back ? " Yoongi spoke, noticing the change in my attitude. He pushed Jimin to the other side to stand face to face with me and I guess that's when he noticed the new semicolon tattoo behind my ear. I got it just a week ago, and I totally love it, so does Stella, I can feel it .
He brushed the strand of hair, now cut in a layered bob hairstyle and put it behind my ear to take a close look at the simple yet magnificent tattoo. Yoongi is smart and he took the hint.
" I'm not, I'm going far away from here tomorrow " I put some distance between us as I watched tears forming in his eyes.
" No please " It was Jungkook, he fell to the floor, Hana held his shoulders for support while crying out her eyes. The condition they were in broke me but I decision I arrived at was necessary, Soulmate or not, I can't forget everything and move on with them.
" I'm not Hana, I can never become like her and you know what? I don't want to be either. I am just Andrea Cullen, who's strong, confident and crazy and always makes the wrong decision at the wrong time" I chuckled at the words, this aren't mine, this are my mother's. She used to say this to me . It makes me laugh, how accurate her words still are after so many years.
" But this time I feel the decision is right because my mind, heart and soul agrees with me "
" I'm ready to grow and I'm ready to let it go . I don't want to just exist , I want to live my life to it's fullest . But I want you to know that moving on doesn't mean I'm hating you or forgetting you , you are still important to me but I realised you are not worth the pain . You'll always stay in my heart but I can't have you in my life "
I took a few steps back watching them break down in front of me but Yoongi held my wrist pleading me with his eyes. No words left his mouth only his grasp strengthened.
" Please don't go Andrea , please. We can fix everything "
I gently peeled off his fingers from my wrist and wiped away the tears.
" I don't want to repair and fix things anymore I have accepted what happened and I have moved on from it "
" You can't stop me Yoongi, I'm unstoppable " With a smile as bright as the sun I bid them goodbye, for forever.
×××××
I stopped by at the bridge, looking at the marvellous night sky and twinkling stars. My now short hair danced with the cool breeze and as I talked with Stella.
" I can practically hear you laugh girl " I laughed to myself, anyone passing by once in a while shot we a glance, telling me how out of place I looked. But it didn't bother, it never has, it'll never be .
" I feel beautiful! I feel confident and I'm happy ! " I screamed up at the sky, at the top of my lungs.
" I love myself and I love you life ! "
" I love mom and dad, and I love you Stella !"
Sometimes you need to forget what you felt and remember what you deserve .
I left them , I let them go and to let go is not to deny , it's to accept , and now they became a closed chapter of my life book , and it's time to turn the page so a new chapter can begin . A chapter that taught me so many things , that made me stronger .
My wings are not tied anymore , I'm free now , I'm free to fly up high .
Sky is never the limit ....
A radiant smile on my lips , life in my eyes , strength in my soul, determination in my mind I stretched out my wings of freedom and flew up high .
I'll ride ,
I'll fly up high ,
Believe in me ,
I'll chase the wind ,
And touch the
. Sky .
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T H E E N D
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Just A Soulmate
قصص الهواة' What's a soulmate dad ? ' " It's someone you have been missing from the beginning but you didn't know you were missing them . It's someone with whom you want to spend your whole life . With them around you feel at home , comfortable and at peace...
