A Storm Is Brewing

Missing

Leah had a long break between New Year's and her first match back, meaning we were able to spend time together without our schedules overlapping. We spent as much time out and about as we did in each of our homes, not wanting to spend a single night apart. Despite our bubble being well and truly happy, there was one burning topic that neither of us wished to discuss: the public.

Leah's job meant it was impossible for her to do normal activities without being photographed; simple things like our trips to the supermarket were plastered over social media before we had even made it to the next aisle. Leah often spoke of her frustration at this, always saying that she didn't want to sound ungrateful, but it could be overwhelming.

I often wondered if Leah had hoped to end up with someone who was as much in the spotlight as her, someone who could understand these things better than I.

The last week before Leah returned to intensive training, social media really hyped up their investigations into our relationship. Leah had warned me of this side of things; she had warned me that platonic situations could be made to look like something more, but I don't think anything can prepare you for a moment like this.

Leah had been on a night out with some of her team, including new signing Rebecca Wrightshaw. Rebecca was Irish and a petite brunette that many were tipping to become one of the biggest names in women's football. On paper, she was the perfect match for someone like Leah; her passion for the game, knowledge of the impact of fame, and ability to remain so down-to-earth throughout were exactly the types of people I knew Leah admired.

As I lay in bed, my body growing tired and the absence of Leah for the first time in a long time on my mind, I heard my phone's sound. I smiled as I saw Leah's name, hoping it was a drunken text of her undying love for me.

Leah
You okay?

Sophie
I miss you, but okay. Are you having fun?

Leah
It's fun, I miss you, though. I was thinking I might let myself in later. If you're okay with that, I'll be super quiet, I just want to be beside you.

Sophie
I'm more than okay with that.

Leah
Don't wait up, they never let me leave before 2am🙄

Sophie
I won't, I love you x

Leah
I love you x

It was this conversation that led me to panic when I awoke at 4 a.m. to find my bed empty. I tiptoed downstairs, thinking that Leah had arrived later than expected and slept on the sofa. No Leah. I texted her, seeing that my message had been delivered, but there was no reply. I stared at the lock screen of my phone, wondering if something had happened to her and wishing I had told her to stay with her friends and get home safely with them.

By 5 a.m., I was on the verge of tears. I had made multiple calls to Leah, but not one of them had been picked up. I decided to drive to her apartment, hoping that I would find her sleeping in her own bed and thinking that maybe she had just shared a taxi with someone. After a 25-minute journey, I let myself into her apartment. The remnants of her preparation for the night out were scattered around the floor, but Leah was nowhere to be seen. I knew I had to go to work in less than 3 hours, but I also knew that I wouldn't be able to concentrate all day without knowing where Leah was.

I headed back to my own house, checking once again for Leah. I sat on the sofa contemplating my next move, trying to weigh up the benefits and consequences of texting Amanda. Leah could be mad that I worried her mum, or her mum could tell me that she was safe. I decided safety was more important than worrying about Leah being angry at me.

Sophie
Hey Amanda, I'm really sorry to bother you, but by any chance did Leah come to your house last night?

Amanda
Don't apologise! No, she didn't. Everything okay?

Sophie
She was meant to come here, but she didn't. Not at her own house either. Just a bit worried.

Amanda
She may have stayed with one of the girls. I will try to reach her. Keep me posted x

Amanda was right; Leah had probably stayed with one of the girls, but I was irritated that she hadn't thought to let me know. I finally rushed to get ready for work, scrolling through Twitter as I dried my hair. The usual things occupied my newsfeed: the government still fucking over the country, more automated systems being developed, and celebrity scandals. Wait. Is that Leah?

My stomach dropped, my eyes widening as I clicked into the article to read the headline.

Fans delighted as WSL power couple confirm romance?

Leah Williamson and Rebecca Wrightshaw were spotted putting on a cosy display outside a London nightclub before leaving in a taxi together.

They had attached pictures of the two of them dancing together in the street, Leah's arms draped over her shoulders from behind. In another shot, Leah could be seen smiling as she entered the taxi with Rebecca.

My eyes began to fill with tears as I read through the comments of delighted fans. I knocked my phone off, knowing that I couldn't allow myself to get like this before work. As a solicitor, there were a few times that I couldn't control my emotions and turn them on and off to ensure a separation between my life and my job. I inhaled and exhaled deeply, shook my head slightly, and got up off the sofa. Today would be the least enjoyable day I would have at work since I moved to London, but my face would not tell that story.

Just as I pulled into the work car park, my phone began to ring through the Bluetooth system. I thought of ignoring it; I thought of allowing Leah to wonder, like she had left me. In the end, I opted to be the bigger person.

"Hi." I snapped.
"Oh my god, Sophie. I am so sorry. I've woken up with missed calls from everyone. I don't know what happened last night, I never get drunk." She began to ramble.
"No worries." I mumbled.
"Please don't be mad at me; I miss you, and I wish I had woken up beside you." Leah sighed.
"Instead of?"
"Huh?"
"Woken up beside me instead of waking up where?"
"I stayed with one of the girls." Leah said timidly.
"Which one?"
"Does it matter?"
"Which one?" I repeated, raising my voice slightly.
"Rebecca."
"I really am a complete fool, Leah. Please don't call me back." I scoffed as I ended the call.

I immediately turned my phone off; I knew if I didn't, I would spend my day checking for confessions from Leah. Throughout the day, I avoided the tabloid newspapers that Paula bought every morning, instead taking myself for a walk around the park on my lunch break. I knew that it would hit me that night. I knew that the emotion would overwhelm me tonight, but I was proud of myself for holding it together that day.

As I pulled into my driveway, I immediately noticed Leah's car. Normally this sight would fill me with butterflies, but that night it filled me with nothing but dread. I slowly got out of my own car, making my way towards the front door. I heard Leah's car door shut behind me, her footsteps along the gravel.

"Sophie, can we talk? If you say no, I'll go." Leah's eyes were bloodshot.
"Sure." I mumbled, opening the door and not waiting for Leah to follow.

I set my bag down and took off my suit jacket, watching out of the corner of my eye as Leah sat on the sofa with her head in her hands. I sat beside her, keeping a distance between us, flinching my legs away as she tried to place her hand on my thigh.

"I just got too drunk." Leah sighed.
"Too drunk to think that I might have been worried?"
"I know. I'm sorry."
"I drove to your house at stupid o'clock in the morning, worried that something had happened to you. It hadn't, though; you just chose to go home with some girl from your team."
"It wasn't like that."
"Out of everyone, why her?"
"We just had a lot in common, and I -" I interrupted her, knowing I wasn't ready to hear the rest of that sentence yet.
"Where did you sleep?"
"You know where I slept."
"No. Where in her house?"
"Her sofa, Jesus! What do you think of me?"

There were so many things I wanted to say to Leah so she knew how she had made me feel, but I felt I had no right. We weren't even in a relationship again yet. This wasn't about her going missing all night; of course that part hurt too; it was about Leah being so secretive about our relationship. I once again felt like a secret, but this time from the public.

Has this all been one big pipe dream?