A Storm Is Brewing

Apart

The days after the initial separation were the worst I had ever faced. Every second that I was awake, my brain wanted to replay the events of those final few days. No matter what anyone said, it was impossible not to blame myself for the mess. If I hadn't changed my mind on a baby, would this have happened? I felt like a failure, almost as if all those reservations I'd had about being a parent were real; it really was never meant to be something I did.

I focused on passing the business over, finding a solicitor to liaise with Amanda on the sale because I knew hearing her voice would kill me. Amanda respected my wishes, dealing only with my own legal representative and securing a new partner within a few days of the original proposed sale.

The thing that I hadn't accounted for was how much I missed London, not just Leah. There had been a time in my life when I would have told anyone that London was my worst nightmare, but now I find myself feeling trapped on this tiny island. Rhys was supportive; he used both actions and words to make me feel better about being back in Ireland, with one particular conversation cementing my idea that I couldn't go back to London; it wouldn't make sense for me to do that.

"Look how much time you have for all of us now. You are watching Liv grow up, doing the things you wanted to do before you met Leah."
"What do you mean?"
"I don't want to upset you."
"You won't."
"Well, you barely seen Liv. She had you at her matches when you weren't working - yeah, I know you tried to take Liv when you could, but I had to pressure her into messaging you because she didn't mention you anymore."

Well, if my heart wasn't already broken, it is now.

"Really?" I sniffled.
"Yeah, but you're back now. We're all back together again, yeah?"
"Yeah. You're right. I can't go back there."

And so, I set off on the journey of trying to find myself employment again, even beginning a property search to buy another house.

"Hi, Sophie. It's Mark here from Wilson & Co., just giving you a ring back after your interview."
"Hi, Mark."

Please say yes.

"So, we absolutely loved your interview. Your experience is incredible, and we would've loved to have given you an offer of employment."

Loved. Here we go again.

"But?" I sighed.
"We reached out to your previous employer for a reference, and he wasn't exactly happy to provide us with one. You know how the industry is, Sophie, and we just can't take the risk of taking on someone with a poor reputation."
"Yeah. I've heard that quite a lot recently. Thanks anyway."
"Best of luck in your search, Sophie."

Fuck off.

"Thanks."

I'd exhausted all of my options in Ireland, but knowing that I couldn't leave made things even more difficult. Rhys was right; Liv had been the most important person in my life for so long, and if I were to go again, who's to say I wouldn't risk her forgetting me again?

That's it settled; I'll just have to leave law altogether.

I made my way downstairs, sighing internally as I heard mum's voice in the living room. She has loved every second of my broken heart. The second I entered the room, Rhys practically threw himself across the sofa to grab the remote and turn the football off on the TV.

"I can watch football without having a breakdown, you know." I rolled my eyes.
"Sorry." He said softly.

Liv was lying on the floor, colouring in a picture from a magazine, humming to herself as she kicked her feet up and down. She had this habit of sticking her tongue out when she was trying to concentrate, often crying after accidentally biting it, but to me, it was the cutest thing in the world. Mum was rabbiting on about some new contract that she had signed with a private health company, talking on purpose about how many sports professionals she was going to work with. I ignored her, knowing that she wanted the opportunity to talk about how horrible they all were, wanting more than anything for me to engage in some kind of slandering match about Leah.