A Storm Is Brewing

Running

Next chapters reference abortion so if that's triggering for you, drop me a message and I'll let you know when the storyline is over. It felt important to highlight that the trauma of premature births can impact people their whole lives, not just when it's happening!

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No response came at first, leaving me to think that I truly was on my own this time. I eventually fell asleep on the sofa, shooing Leah out of my way every time she tried to make amends. The next morning, I left the house before anyone had woken up, running until my feet couldn't carry me anymore and eventually stopping to lean against a tree in the middle of nowhere. I expected to have a message from Leah, but when I checked my phone, I instead had a response to the message from the night before.

"Do you really need to do this?"

That was the final question I asked myself before accepting reality and pressing the call button. The phone answered on the first ring, like she had been expecting that her reply would automatically result in me calling her.

"Hello you."
"Mum." I sighed.
"Let me guess, you're out running at this time?" She chuckled.
"Everything is such a mess, mum."
"What's happened? Where's Leah?"
"At home."
"And Teddy?"
"He's at home too. He's fine; it's not him."
"Then why is everything a mess?"

Her voice was calm, giving me the sense that she was using this as an opportunity to rectify all the wrongs she had done previously when I had needed her.

"I'm pregnant."

My voice cracked as I finally told someone else that, not even having accepted it myself. I expected to be met with silence or some kind of telling off, but her response came quickly.

"That's big news, Sophie. Is something wrong? Is the baby okay?"

That's the thing. How do I tell her that the baby is fine, just not wanted by Leah?

"It's fine."

Then came the silence. She didn't understand, and I understood that. Normally, congratulations is all you need to say when someone tells you they're expecting, but this wasn't normal.

"I'm not really following. What's the problem? Do you not want to be pregnant?"
"Leah doesn't want me to be pregnant."
"Oh."
"Go on. Say it." I sniffed.
"Say what?"
"I told you so."
"You know I hate myself for those times, Sophie. You must know that by now?"
"I do. I think. I don't know, mum."

Another silence followed, before a slight chuckle from her left me screwing my face up in confusion. How was any of this funny?

"At the risk of being called homophobic or whatever, can I ask you a question?"

Here we go.

"Go on."
"How does someone - how do - I'm a bit confused by - I'm not really sure how to word this."

As much as I didn't want it to, her fear of saying anything that pushed me away tugged on my heartstrings a little.

"You can just say it, mum. I know you're not homophobic." I chuckled.
"How do you and Leah end up with you pregnant if you don't want to be pregnant?"

Despite my confusion a few seconds ago, I now found myself laughing along with her. She was right to be confused; it's not exactly like we just slipped up one night.

"It's a fair question." I chuckled.
"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."
"I do. I wouldn't have called you if I didn't think you were the only person I wanted right now."
"I'm here, Sophie. I've been here this whole time."