A Storm Is Brewing

London Girl

I'd expected that my next step after the rejection from Leah would be a return to Ireland, but after spending so long trying to become settled here, I found myself unable to think of that possibility. The truth is, London life had managed to sneak its way into my heart, and somehow the hustle and bustle that I'd once hated had become something I wasn't sure I could live without.

Plus, what if Leah needed me?

Part of me thought that I might hear from her, maybe some kind of let's be friends message, but it never came. She was happy now, and I had to let her go like I'd promised to do. She was right—when she screamed at me, I should've gone sooner. I shouldn't have taken for granted that she was waiting for me in the same way I was waiting for her.

Those next few weeks brought a new bit of happiness, the type that you find within yourself. It had taken a while, but I'd finally found something to make the days seem worth it, and it was simply just myself.

Paula and I continued to spend our time doing just about any activity you could think of, from nightclubs to yoga classes; anything that would minimise our time spent at home was worth attending to us. It was a Friday afternoon when I first set eyes on Laura, all of my preplanned words falling from my mind as we stood to our feet for her entrance. She was beautiful; even I couldn't deny that. She wasn't Leah, though.

I told Paula about her, rolling my eyes as dozens of jokes were thrown in my direction over the next few weeks about my judge crush. Paula, being a secretary, was desperate to find out Laura's name so she could see what she looked like, but I refused for fear she would do some kind of set-up. That refusal was in vain, though, as in a busy bar on a Saturday evening, my shoulder was gently tapped, and Paula's eyes almost popped out of her head.

"Hi." I smiled.
"Hi." Laura said softly.
"I—eh—this is Paula, my friend. Well, obviously she's my friend; otherwise, I wouldn't be here with her, would I? Obviously - I -"
"Nice to meet you." Paula practically shouted to stop my rambling.
"You too." Laura chuckled.
"Sorry, I didn't catch your name."
"It's Laura. I'm a judge; that's how I know Sophie."
"Ohhh, you're a judge. Makes sense."
"It does?"
"Yeah - I don't know what I meant by that." Paula panicked.
"Do you two want to join us? Me and my friends, I mean?"

I didn't get a chance to answer; Paula practically leapt to her feet and made her way to Laura's table. Her friends were nice, but not as nice as Leah's friends. The atmosphere was nice—not as nice as the atmosphere I had with Leah, though. The music they were requesting was good, not as good as the music Leah would request for us, though.

"You can't stop thinking about her, can you?" Paula whispered.
"Who?"
"Leah."
"I wasn't thinking about her." I shrugged.
"No?"
"Nope."
"You've been tracing that same L shape into the back of your phone since we sat down and I know it's not an L for Laura." Paula chuckled.

Busted.

Laura and I exchanged numbers at the end of the night, solely for the purpose of keeping each other up to date on the legal world. It wasn't long until she began to message me more regularly than I'd hoped for. At first, it was something that I didn't want or welcome, but selfishly, it became something that I embraced because instead of looking at empty notifications and being reminded that Leah's name wasn't on my phone anymore, I was hearing that bleep again, seeing that text message on my phone when I woke up, and even finding myself chuckling at my phone when she said something funny.

After making a complete fool of myself during a custody meeting one day, I agreed to meet up again, just the two of us this time. The conversation flowed, and I guess if I'd been in a different headspace, I may have even enjoyed my evening. I wasn't, though, and there was no point trying to deny that. I couldn't pretend that I didn't drive the long way home that night just to drive by some of the places I'd been to with Leah or that I hadn't still slept in her t-shirt that night when I'd gotten into bed.

I wasn't selfish, and I had to remember that.

And so, as awkward as it could have made things, I knew I had to do the right thing. Timing was important to me, though. I didn't want Laura to wake up to the message in the morning or get the message right before she had to sit through a day of court, so I decided I would tell her the following night. Laura, however, was much more astute than I'd given her credit for, and when I woke the following morning to an essay from her, I knew before I read it what was coming.

Laura

Hey, I had a really good time with you last night, and I wanted you to know that before I said the next thing. You're lovely, Sophie, and anyone would be so lucky to get to know you, but I can tell you aren't ready for that yet. Whoever this ex of yours is still holds your heart, and I can tell that just by being in your company. I really hope we can still be friends and that you'll find your way back to her if that's what your heart wants. Thanks for a great night x

I should've felt relief from her message, but instead I felt my heartbeat in my ears. It was like a sudden realisation that she was right; I wasn't over Leah, and I wasn't sure I ever would be.

Why did I let myself fall in love again?