A Storm Is Brewing

See You Soon

Lorraine and I met with Amanda to discuss the next steps. My first trip would last for one month to begin the set-up, and every trip after that would only be for four days. After the meeting, Amanda and I went on a lunch date to talk things over, something I knew would be a massive part of my decision. Something I admired about Amanda was that she didn't allow Leah being her daughter to influence any of her opinions on this; she looked at it from a business point of view, but today I wanted a mum's point of view.

You've told me what you think from a business point of view. What about as Leah's mum?

"I thought I would find it hard to answer this, Sophie. Now that I'm faced with the question, I don't. Before you and Leah had that break, I would've told you that this would be the end of you two."
"I think that too." I nodded.
"I've witnessed a change in both of your attitudes; it's almost like you have grown into one another. Leah has accepted that your job means just as much to you as hers does to her, and you have accepted that sometimes Leah takes a while to confront what she's feeling. No matter what you choose, I know you'll both be fine. If you choose to go, Leah will support you and wait for you. If you choose to stay, I know you won't resent her in the future."
"Do you think she's just saying she doesn't mind, though? So that I don't feel pressured?"
"Of course she minds. She knows how much she will miss you and how much she will pine for you while you're gone. What she doesn't mind is feeling those feelings if it means you get to fulfil your goals. Leah's not saying she won't miss you, Sophie; she's saying she won't forget you."

Amanda was right; Leah hadn't told me she didn't mind or that she wouldn't miss me. She had told me that she was excited for me and that she was happy to sacrifice our life together for a few months to give me my own chance to have more success. It was this conversation with Amanda that made me decide to go—to take a risk and take the opportunity. Now I just had to tell Leah.

As Leah and I walked Buddy through the woodland that had once caused her so much heartache, I struggled to find the words to start the conversation. Leah's hand was gripped loosely in mine, my fingers tapping off her knuckles as I rehearsed the lines in my head. There was a comfortable silence between us, the odd chuckle leaving our mouths as we watched Buddy tangle himself up in his lead, still learning to adjust to it.

"I don't need a big speech, you know." Leah placed her head on my shoulder.
"What do you mean?"
"To tell me that you're taking the offer, Soph. I know you're torturing yourself right now trying to work out a way to tell me something that makes me feel important. I don't need that. Knowing that you feel safe enough with me—comfortable enough—to do this makes me happy."

She knows; she always knows.

"I want us to talk about it, though. I want you to promise me that if you think it's not working, if you think you can't do it, that you'll tell me."
"I'll make sure it works, Soph. You've always let me go on my own adventures; now it's time for me to let you go on yours."
"Promise me?" I gripped her hand tightly.
"I promise that if I think it's too much time apart, I will tell you. Okay?" Leah smiled.
"That's better." I chuckled.

— — — —

"I'm going to miss you." I whispered tearfully as I hugged Leah goodbye at the airport.
"I'm going to miss you too, Soph. So much."

A final kiss goodbye, and suddenly I was wheeling my suitcase onto the escalator and watching as the sight of Leah waving faded further and further into the distance. Reaching the top of the escalator, I wiped the tears from my cheeks as I got my boarding pass ready to enter security. It didn't take long; suddenly I was alone in the airport with nothing but a small suitcase of belongings and a heart that felt heavy but extremely loved.