A Storm Is Brewing

Mum's

I tried everything to push the hatred I felt towards her to the back of my mind but nothing worked. Every time she said I love you, all I could think about was her words in the kitchen that morning. Two days later, I knew I had to get out of there. I took the opportunity to try to speak to her about it while Teddy was with Amanda for the day, the attempt failing miserably.

"I'm going to stay with mum for a few days to clear my head."
"Is that really necessary?"
"Yes."
"What am I supposed to tell Teddy?"
"Huh?"
"When he asks for you."
"He's coming with me."
"No!" She shouted.
"It's not up for discussion, Leah. I'm taking him with me."
"It fucking is! You're not taking him. Nah. Fuck that!"
"You're unbelievable." I snarled.

I ignored her pleas to talk as I made my way upstairs, packing Teddy's stuff into a bag and wondering if I'd ever actually return to the house we shared. I knew I wouldn't stay in Ireland; I'd never take him away from her like that, but I also knew that her presence right now made me feel every kind of ill. I hated her. I hated what she was making me do.

"Yeah, just keep him there. I'll pick him up in the morning on the way back from training."

Is she for real?

"Leah!" I screamed all over the house, running downstairs and grabbing the phone from her.
"Give it back."
"Amanda? Bring him back here. Now. She had no right to tell you to keep him tonight. None."
"What on earth is going on?" Amanda sighed.
"Just bring him home. Now please."

I cut the call, chucking her phone onto the sofa and running back upstairs to continue packing. How could she?

"You're leaving me, aren't you?"

I spun around, having not realised she was standing in the doorway watching me. For a second, I could see the person I loved, but then I remembered what she was making me do.

"No, I don't know, maybe."
"Oh my god." She rubbed her forehead.

As her silent sobs began, I wanted nothing more than to run across the room and bundle her into my arms, but my brain kept reminding me of how nonchalantly she had told me of her wish to just pretend this pregnancy had never existed.

"You can't take my boy." She sobbed harder.
"What? I would never take him from you. Never. I'm just going to stay with mum for a few days, and then we'll be back to London."
"To London?"
"Yeah."
"Not here?"
"I don't know, Leah. I don't know." I sighed.
"This is your home. It's his home. It's our home. Just tell me how I can make you love me again."
"It isn't about that."
"What is it about then, Soph? Because one day we were fine and the next you -"
"Got pregnant."
"That isn't what I was going to say."
"It's what happened." I shrugged.
"You said you wanted this too."
"Yeah, it's fine. I just need space."

Before she had a chance to respond the front door banged closed and I rushed downstairs to see the only little face that could make me feel better right now, except he wasn't there. Instead, Amanda stood with her hand on her hips, head shaking from side to side as she waited for us to make our way into the kitchen, a place that had become the place for difficult conversations over the years.

"Where's Teddy?"
"I didn't bring him."
"How dare -"
"I'm not bringing him back into this. Look at the state of you two! What kind of environment is this for a child to come home to? Now, someone tell me what the hell is going on!"

I had never witnessed Amanda look so angry before. Her eyes pierced through both of us like a teacher trying to deal with troublesome classmates. We followed her into the living room, with Leah taking a seat at the table facing her mum while I leaned against the worktop.