A Storm Is Brewing

The Beginning

True to her word, Leah pulled into a car park after just 20 minutes of driving. She turned off the engine and, with a deep breath, turned to smile at me before turning to put her hand on the door handle to open it. Obviously finding this difficult, I couldn't allow her to open herself up like this before I had reassured her. I reached my arms out to wrap around her waist, feeling her fall backwards into me immediately.

"How do you do that?" She asked as she turned to hug me properly.
"Do what?"
"Take all of my fears away with a simple touch."
"You do that for me too." I smiled, giving her back a rub before we released our grips.

Leah stood at the back of the car until I walked towards her, reaching her hand out to interlock her fingers with mine as we began to walk.

"Sorry, I promise it's not far." She chuckled as I gazed around the trees.

Leah had led me through a slightly wooded area—not a forest but not a park—that had trails throughout that all seemed to lead in different directions. She appeared to know exactly which path we should follow, which amazed me as every single one looked exactly the same. The leaves crackled under our feet as we made it to our endpoint. Leah's grip on my hand didn't loosen as we approached a lake, and she sat on the bench looking over it, pulling me onto her lap.

"Are you warm enough, Soph?"
"No, hug me tighter." I said playfully, Leah wrapping her arms around me and laughing into my neck.
"I used to come here a lot when I was younger."
"Yeah? With your family?"
"No, my friends. Well, people I thought were my friends at the time." She sighed.
"And they weren't?"
"Nope."
"Did something happen here?"
"Yeah. You see that little island out there?"
"Mhmm." I said, looking in the direction of it.
"We all came down here, as we always did. I had just signed my first contract with Arsenal, I was just a teenager. There were little row boats that used to sit at the side of the water to let fishermen go across there during the day. They said we were going across there, I was apprehensive at first, probably afraid of being injured probably." She began to speak more quickly.
"Take your time, Le. I'm not going anywhere." I reassured her, pulling her into my chest.
"They were egging me on, telling me that I couldn't be friends with them anymore if I was going to be boring. So I did it. They rowed us across and told me to get out first, so I did that too. The second I was out of the boat, they started rowing themselves away."
"What the fuck? Why?" I asked.
"I don't know. They were shouting things like, if you're so great at sports, then you'll be able to swim back across. I thought they would come back; I embarrassingly thought they were having a bit of fun because I was their friend."
"And did they?"
"No." She said quietly.
"What did you do then?"
"It was late at night, no one was around. I knew the fishermen would be here in the morning, but I knew if I didn't go home, my mum would be worried sick. She wouldn't have known to look for me here. So I swam. Phone in pocket, the £10 note my mum had given me to get chips with my friends saturated. I walked back along that path, freezing, then on to my house."
"Your mum's house is ages away from here."
"I know." She chuckled.
"What did your mum say?" I asked.
"She doesn't know. How could I tell her? She was so proud of me with Arsenal; how could I tell her that it had ruined everything for me? How could I tell her that this news, that made all of us so happy, was now my main reason for being sad?"
"What did you tell her?"
"That I was here, with my friends. That I fell in, and that they walked me home."
"What did she say?"
"Shouted, a lot. Mostly because she was worried about what might have happened if my friends hadn't been there. She told me I was spoilt, that I had disobeyed her after everything she had done to get me to Arsenal."
"Le." I said softly, taking her hair between my fingers.
"I made two promises to myself then. One that I would never allow myself to be that vulnerable again, to think that people wanted me around so much that they weren't capable of things. And the other, to never be vulnerable again. I swore to myself so many times that I would never be that pathetic little girl standing on an island waiting for someone to come and save me." Leah's eyes began to glaze over as she turned her head to study the island.
"Is that how you feel about me? That we're over there together, but you want to make sure I can't leave you out there alone?"
"I feel like that with everyone, even my own parents. Just with you, I can't explain it." She inhaled deeply.
"Is it different with me?" I asked softly.
"Yeah. If I could go back and change that day and not go out with my friends, I would. Throughout my life, I've avoided situations that could end up that way: nights out when I think I'm going to be that person that is never really in the circle; moving teams to anywhere that I don't have the safety of my family around me. Every decision I have made has been to ensure that I'm never left like that again, but with you, well, it's like, even if I could see into the future and find myself in that situation again, I'd still do it. I'd take another hour of happiness with you, even if it meant feeling that feeling again. But as much as I want and need to allow myself to fully let go of that, some days I just can't. Some days I have a bad day at training or I haven't done as much as I usually would, and my mind takes over. I start to think that if you're that good, you'd get it done. Just like what they said about swimming back. I start to think, well I'm obviously not that good, and then I feel like you might think it too."

I cuddled into her chest, listening as the wind rustled the trees above our heads. I listened to Leah's heartbeat slow with every trace of her chest that I made with my fingers and felt her breathing slow slightly.

"Thank you, for telling me. I'm sorry they did that to you; I'm sorry they made you feel that way." I said, knowing I had so much I wanted to say but no idea how to say it.
"It's okay." Leah said, sounding a little insecure.
"A lot of people would've given up, Le."
"I know. I don't blame you if you have to."
"No, silly, I'm not talking about giving up on you. I meant the things we've gone through. Both of us."
"I can't see a time when I will ever give up on you, Soph."
"I can't see a time when I will ever give up on you either, Le. I wish you could see that."
"I wish that too, I don't know what's wrong with me." Leah sighed.
"There's nothing wrong with you. You're perfect." I smiled, making her blush.
"I'm sorry for accusing you of being up to something with Jade. And for looking through your work diary." She said the last part so quietly that I could hardly hear it.
"You went through my work diary?" I laughed.
"Yeah. Invasion of privacy, I know." She sighed, embarrassment clear on her face.
"What did you expect to find? 3 p.m. Thursday—meet Jade for a quickie?" I chuckled.
"No! My head was a mess." Leah laughed as she playfully slapped my arm.
"When I promise you things, do you believe them?" I asked.
"Yes. If it's something I know you can promise."
"And you don't know that I can promise to never love someone else, because how could I possibly know if I will?" I said, realisation kicking in.
"Yeah."
"Okay, maybe I just need to change how I phrase that." I said.
"Okay?"
"I promise that if I ever feel even the slightest bit of love lost for you, I will tell you right away. That means you will be the first to know. You can't be in love with two people at the same time; you just can't. So if I make sure to always be honest with you about my love for you, then you'll know that no one else has a hope?"
"That sounds good to me. I promise you the same, Soph." She exhaled.
"How about, we never start a day without an I love you, because if we both have promised to never say it if we don't mean it, then day by day we can feel safe?"
"Day by day sounds perfect with you, Sophie Kelly." Leah said as her lips connected with mine.

After several more kisses and a few laughs as Leah told me of her spluttering and splashing through the water that day, we headed back to the car hand in hand. The second we got in, Leah turned the heating on and pushed all the vents in my direction, a tiny act of love that restarted the butterflies in my stomach. We began the drive home with her hand on my lap, my fingers drawing patterns on it as we drove.

Arriving back at the house just 20 minutes later, Leah placed her hand on my lower back as I walked towards the front door. She stayed close as we headed upstairs and brushed our teeth before climbing into bed alongside each other. I felt Leah's hand pull me close to her, her breathing hitching slightly as she tried to hide it. She kissed the top of my head, her hand rubbing up and down my waist gently. I tilted my head back, allowing my lips to fall just a few centimetres from Leah's, her mouth turning upward into the smile of someone who finally felt safe and content.

— — — —

Neither of us took long that night; it had been weeks since we had been that close, and it showed through our eagerness. Eventually collapsing into the arms of one another, I turned to check the time on the alarm clock, 00:08 it read.

"Hey, Le?" I said softly.
"Yes, Soph?"
"It's officially a new day. I love you. Completely." I kept my promise.

I watched as Leah's eyes filled slightly with happy tears before she kissed my forehead, each cheek, my nose, and finally my lips.

"I love you completely." She smiled, and her eyes connected with mine so intensely that I felt we could see right through one another.

I had more plans to reassure her. They would have to wait until another day, though.