A Storm Is Brewing

Unconditional Love

As expected I didn't really go anywhere; well, I obviously went somewhere, but that also meant nowhere. I drove around for a while, placing myself in any location that I thought might help to ease my heartbreak, but knowing that the only place I wanted to be was in the arms of Leah. I could hear my phone exploding as I drove, between phone calls and text messages. I thought of ignoring her, getting myself a hotel, and not returning home until the next day. In the end, though, I couldn't be a hypocrite. I had been annoyed at Leah for not returning home when she said she would before, and I couldn't now do the same thing. That would mean that I really did think everything was about me. I pulled into a car park, a little private one that meant I could check my phone without anyone noticing the tears streaming down my cheeks.

Leah
Please drive carefully

Leah
Come home

Leah
Sophie, where are you?

Leah
Soph please

Leah
I can go to my mum's. Just please come home

Leah
Please?

Leah
At least tell me you're safe

Leah
I love you

Leah
Please soph

My heart hurt even more at the thought of Leah repeatedly messaging me, I could picture her worried face, and I could almost hear her voice in my head as I read the messages. Seeing as I was only a few minutes from home, I decided to just drive back rather than waste time texting her back. I pulled into the driveway, breathing deeply to look less pathetic. I didn't want her to know that I had cried all night in her absence. I watched as Leah's shadow stood at the living room window, knowing that she had been checking if the car was mine. I knew she would be at ease now that I had returned safely, and something about that knowledge made this seem like the right decision.

Entering through these doors was usually the happiest moment of my day, every single day. This day was different, though; this day I struggled to know whether I truly wanted to be here anymore. How could Leah propose to me if she still thought I defended a murderer? How could she say I'm the person she wants forever if she doesn't want me around through the hard times? Why did she call me her girlfriend, not her fiancé? Is that why we haven't gone public? Was that just a silly gesture she made in haste? I wanted to scream at her and tell her I hated her for letting me move my entire life here. I wanted to tell her that I wished I'd never gone into business with her mum because now I was trapped. I wanted to tell her that I didn't want to get married anymore. None of that was true, though, even if I really wanted it to be in that moment.

Leah was sitting on the bottom step, her eyes red and puffy. She had her forehead rested on her hand, a hand that was visibly shaking. I studied her as she studied the floor in front of her: her vulnerable frame, the tearstained cheeks, her messy bun that looked as if she had been lying down crying, and that piece of plastic that was protecting her foot from further damage. She looked helpless—really helpless.

"I thought you were never coming back." Leah whispered.
"I told you I would, so I did." I puffed, trying hard not to cry.
"I didn't mean it. I'm just -"
"I don't want to talk, Leah. Not anymore."
"Ever?"
"Tonight."
"Please, Soph. Don't leave me."
"I have so much to say and nothing at the same time." I sighed as I walked into the living room.

Leah didn't follow me, she continued to sit on the stairs, almost like she was a child on the naughty step. I listened as she sobbed, I wondered if she knew that I was sobbing too. I fluffed the cushions up to make the sofa somewhat comfortable, lifting the blankets that were neatly placed in the blanket box and pulling them over myself. The weirdest part, or most pathetic part, about all of this was the fact that I was so angry at Leah, but my mind only settled when I imagined that the cushions were her. I wrapped my arm around them, pulling them close to my chest, and tried to smell Leah's scent from them.

I heard Leah begin to walk upstairs. I could still hear her rapid breathing as she struggled to stop her tears. Fuck sake.

"Leah." I called out.

She immediately hurried herself back down the stairs, appearing at the living room door and looking at me with hopeful eyes.

"Yeah?" She sniffed.
"I don't have anything to say right now; I'm not sure that I can forget this, but I can't hear you like that. Come here." My voice turned to a whisper with the last two words.

Leah didn't take a second to think before she placed herself on the sofa beside me. Just as she was that first night in bed, she didn't know what was appropriate or what I wanted her to do, but she was happy to be beside me. She simply sat in front of my stomach, her body rigid. I wrapped my arms around her waist, resting my head against her back and placing a delicate kiss on it as I did so. I felt her exhale deeply, almost as if she had thought she would never feel this again.

"Turn around, silly." I whispered again.
"I don't think I can." Leah struggled with her tears once more.
"Why not? It's me. It's Soph."
"I can't look at you, and I know I might be losing you." Leah sobbed.
"I came back for you, the least you could do is give me a proper cuddle, Le." I tried to add some light to the conversation.
"Le." She breathed out, a sense of relief in her voice.

I was angry at Leah, and I was angry at myself too. I didn't know what to make of the argument, of what had been said, or of her reluctance to let me help her in these types of situations, but I did know that it wasn't over. Not for me anyway. I also knew that it wasn't perfect anymore, though. It wasn't as perfect as I had initially thought; I wasn't sure how I would trust her words of love and support again. Nonetheless, the most important person in my world was falling to pieces in front of me, and nothing would stop me from trying to fix that.

I pulled her into me, resting her head on my chest and feeling her heartbeat slow slightly. My fingers found the side of her neck as I traced patterns across it, feeling her tighten her grip around me at my touch.

"I know you don't believe anything I say anymore, Sophie. I need you to believe that I love you, though. Please tell me that you do."
"I know that you love me, Le." I kissed her forehead before she nuzzled her head back into my chest.

With tired eyes and broken hearts, we fell into sleep in the arms of the only person who could mend each of us. Tomorrow, we would talk, a crucial moment in our relationship, but tonight was for us to just be safe. Together.

Tonight was about love—unconditional love.