A Storm Is Brewing

Manchester

I didn't stay out long, pacing around shops to try retail therapy, which turned out to not be my thing. Leah gave me space, which I appreciated. I wasn't ready to talk until I knew exactly what I wanted to talk about. When I made it home, Leah had already had dinner; I could see that mine was in the oven, and there was a little note on the fridge letting me know, making it obvious that she didn't know when I would return. I peered into the living room, seeing Leah sat flicking through channel after channel on the TV, her face glum and hands playing with the corner of the blanket she had draped over her legs. I poured myself a glass of juice, waiting until the microwave pinged before taking my place on the sofa beside Leah to eat. We exchanged a simple smile as I sat down, turning our attention back to the TV for the duration of my eating. Leah's head turned slightly every now and then to get a glimpse of my facial expressions. I felt my phone buzz, setting my plate on the coffee table facing me to reach into my pocket and pull it out.

Paula
You're double booked on Monday!

Sophie
Shit. Who? Can we rearrange?

Paula
You have Higgins for the prenup discussion at 1pm and an interview at 1:15pm. Going to overlap, should I cancel the interview?

Sophie
Fuck sake. How did I manage that? No, we can't afford to cancel, we need extra bodies fast. Can we rearrange the interview?

Paula
I tried emailing, nothing back from her. It's a work email, so I'm guessing she won't see it until Monday.

Sophie
What's her name? I'll try to reach out to her on LinkedIn.

Paula
Tara McGovern.

Sophie
Thanks, P. I'll keep you updated. Get studying! I need you asap x

Paula
I'm on it!

I laughed when I read the last message. Paula had attached a picture of the books surrounding her. I felt Leah's eyes dart to the side as she strained to see what I was laughing at. Are things really this bad? Does she really think I would cheat on her while she's sitting beside me?

I didn't have time for it. I needed to get in contact with Tara as soon as possible because I didn't want her to arrive at work on Monday nervous for an interview only to read an email that it wasn't happening. Tara McGovern, solicitor. Her LinkedIn wasn't hard to find; she came up almost right away: tanned, brunette, with huge green eyes and a very smiley face. Fuck sake. I scrolled down her profile; she had been in the industry since 2017 and worked for some of the biggest UK firms, even partnering with one of them until they moved overseas. She was perfect. For the job, obviously. We needed to expand our headcount, but at what cost? What was Leah going to think if I hired her? Would it be daily interrogations about any court dates I attended with Tara? What if we had an event to attend and Leah was away with football? Would she be happy to see me smiling next to someone who looked like that? I didn't feel angry, just confused; at what point did Leah begin to see me as someone who could do something like that to her, and why didn't I know about it? We need to talk.

"Turn the TV off." My stern tone startled Leah.

Leah flicked off the TV, her eyes going to the floor as she turned her body to face mine. Being me was hard; I didn't often admit that to myself, but recently it had been. I don't mean being a solicitor or being the big sister that worried about my brother from across the water; I mean being the person I am: wearing my heart on my sleeve, forgiving people because it's easier than arguing, and being so afraid of the impact of words on others that I never truly express how I feel about certain situations. Just as Leah needed to talk with the lights off, sometimes I needed to blurt things out, even if that meant it was overwhelming.