A Gambling Man // Ryan x OC

22

Mae always had hope that she would never go back to that dark place after him. She made promises to herself that she would never allow herself to be so broken again and she hoped the world would allow her that, but she learned the hard way that the world doesn't give a shit about you want or your promises. She was stuck, stuck back in a place that she never wanted to be in and it hurt. It fucking hurt, every fibre of her being and all she wanted was for it to stop. She wanted to stop waking up, screaming in pain and she wanted to stop waking up, clawing at her neck because she could feel the ghost of the collar around her neck. She wanted to go drinking with Beth, Liam and Charlie again, she wanted to kick the wranglers' and Travis' asses in card games and friendly competitions, she wanted to tease Jamie about his bad tie choices, she wanted to relieve memory lane again with Rip as he teases her about her high school theatre career, she wanted to race Kayce on horse back, she wanted to hug Tate and tell him that everything will be okay, she wanted to sit with her dad as he listened to her tell him about her day at the clinic and she wanted to hug, kiss and tell Ryan everything she hasn't had the chance to yet. Even though her heart yearned for this, her mind stopped her. She got herself to walk up to her bedroom door but she couldn't even get herself to touch the handle before sinking to the floor in a fit of tears. 

Her mind kept screaming at her that if she left this room, if she faces them that she would see the hatred on their faces. The voice kept repeating that they must her, they must her for not being able to defend herself, for not being able to defend Tate and for letting those men violate her. The nightmares that destroyed her the most were the ones of her family, of Ryan looking down at her, chained to that bed and they hurl insults at her. Telling her how broken beyond repair she is, how weak she is, how unlovable she is  and how much of a burden she is. The worst one was the one of John, she remembered it clear as day. 

"You should've been on that horse with your mother, you should have died that day! Our lives would have been so much better without such a weakling in it. My other children are strong, hell even fucking Jamie is stronger than you. This is three times now that you've allowed yourself to be broken and abused. Cowboy should have left you to die that day. You're not my daughter, not anymore. You're a disgrace to the Dutton name. I hate you."

Those words kept repeating in her head as she clutched her pillow tighter and tried to silence the sobs that wanted to follow. She didn't want her family to hear, she's been trying to keep her cries and nightmares from them, her family shouldn't be bothered by her. They had lives to live and they didn't need her trauma to affect them anymore than it already had. She heard a knock on her door but remained quiet. 

Please don't try and come in, please don't try and come in.

"Sweetheart," she heard John's voice and her heart hurt even more, "I uh I don't know how to help you. I wish I did, everything in me wants to break this door down and wrap you in my arms, and promise you that no more hurt will ever come to you again. But I can't. You don't deserve this, you don't deserve any of this and I'm sorry. It was my job to protect you and I failed you and I will never forgive myself for it. Every day I wish that I could go back and prevent it but since I can't, I make myself feel better by knowing that I fulfilled at least one of the promises I made to you. The Beck brothers and all of their associates are burning in hell, I made sure of that. I hope that gives you some closure. Please come back to us, we need you, I need you Sweetheart. I love you and I need you to fight, fight the darkness. If not for me, for Ryan, for Tate, for everyone that loves you." 

"I love you too, Daddy," Mae whispered as he heard her father leaving for his own room, probably going to get some sleep since it was almost eleven at night. 

Mae waited another hour before getting up and walking to her door, she took a deep breath and grabbed the handle, fighting through the tears as she yanked the door open. She quietly rushed down the hall and down the stairs, she didn't want her family to find her, there was someone that she needed first. Someone that could talk her off of any ledge, someone that's always been her protector. 

xxx

The banging on his door at a few minutes past midnight, woke Rip up from his sleep in the new cabin John had gifted him. His first instinct was that something must have been terrible wrong but as he opened the door, he came face to face with the last person he expected to see. 

"So I see you finally got your present, I hope you like it. I drove Daddy crazy while trying to get this ready for you," Rip watched as she slight laughed while trying to wipe the never ending flow of tears. 

Rip didn't say anything as he walked over and wrapped the blonde girl in his arms. He didn't need to say anything, she needed him and he would be there for her every step of the way. He hugged her to him as she sobbed louder than she had for the past few days. 

"I've got you Cub, always," Rip whispered as he picked the sobbing girl up and carried her into his cabin. She was standing outside in nothing but plaid pyjama bottoms and one of Ryan's shirts, she must have been freezing. She hugged him to her and cried as she told him everything, everything she couldn't tell anyone else. 

"I feel so dirty, Rip. I can't even look at myself in the mirror anymore and I know that I had to let them- let them use me to save Tate but I can't help but feel like they ruined me. I don't think that I'll ever be the same, I don't know how I can be," Mae cried as she dug her nails into her arms. 

"Hey! Listen to me," Rip grabbed her shoulders to make her look up at him, "No one survives trauma like that and comes out the same as before. You're one of the strongest women I know and what you went through was something no one should ever have gone through but you survived. You survived, and right now it's going to feel like the world's against you, but that will change. It will change and you will come out stronger than before. I will be with you, your family will be with you and Ryan will be with you, we'll stand with you, support you and love you." 

He wrapped his arms around her again and held her as she cried, it's going to take a lot to help her to get back on her feet, but her leaving her room after a week, was the first step in the right direction. He watched as she slowly started to drift off into sleep. 

"Do you really think she will be okay?," Beth asked as she walked into the living room, wearing only Rip's shirt. 

"I hope so, I really hope so," Rip replied as he picked the younger Dutton woman up and carried her to his bedroom. He tucked her into his bed, brushing her hair back and kissed her cheek. 

He watched as Beth grabbed an extra blanket from the cupboard, grabbed his hand and led him back to the couch. The two wrapped themselves in the blanket as they cuddled. 

"She's not been sleeping, she thinks we don't know but we know. I'm scared for her Rip, I really don't want to lose my sister, but I can't help but feel like this is just the beginning of the spiral," Beth whispered as traced patterns on his chest. 

"We just got to be there to catch her, we'll all be there to catch her," Rip whispered back as he kissed her. 

xxx

While all the Duttons were peacefully asleep on the Yellowstone Ranch, a masked man approached The Dutton Veterinary Clinic, he unlocked the door with a lock-picking kit and walked staight passed all the flowers, gifts and get well soon cards for the youngest Dutton. He walked into her office and picked up a photo of Mae and Ryan, they were laughing and smiling at the camera, he took the picture out of the frame and placed it in his pocket.

His gloved hands reached into his leather satchel and placed a neatly wrapped gift on the table before a sinister smirk made it's way onto his lips.

"I'll see you soon, Little Dove, real soon."