Seeking Gaston Lynx Esquivel

Chapter 9

Iniwas niya ang mga mata sa akin. She remained in her post, and trembling a little bit. I want to punch myself for what I have done and for my way of thinking.

I closed my eyes trying to calm down the rage that I am feeling. I licked my lips looking at her. I wanted her first expressions and always got excited with it, but not this one. Fear is all over her face and I never wanted to see this one plastered on her.

I slowly walked into her at mas lalo kung nakitaan ang takot ang kanyang mga mata. I stopped one feet apart, I looked at her calmly and with a hint of regret on my face.

"I'm--I'm sorry…" I pleaded softly. Her eyes changed and looked at me in awe.

"I didn't mean it...please, hindi na mauulit." I pleaded more. My voice, almost airy.

The fear in her eyes was gone. Napalitan ng pagkamangha ang mga ito at hindi ko maiwasang matawa ng kaunti.

Maybe Peter was right. I am going insane, going insane for her. My heart thumped so loud, it could explode right here, right now. A smile slowly formed in my lips, and then eventually turned into a chuckle.

"Are...you fine?" She asked as she looked at me weirdly now.

Well, who wouldn't be weirded out? I was fuming mad a few minutes ago and here I am, chuckling at my own realization and stupidness.

I never thought that I would realize my true feelings for her this way. Like a candle lighted in a dark room, nahanap ko ang mga sagot sa matagal ko ng mga tanong. Questions that made me insane and kept me awake all night.

I like her, huh? And this isn't lust at all…or maybe...what I am feeling right now is something more deeper and meaningful. This doesn't fade, and definitely it's not just a pace. This is more than just a physical attraction.

I've never yearn for someone else's attention, until her. I've never felt this content just looking at someone, until her. I never thought that time was important until I experienced being with her. She is just who she is and I just completely wanted all of her. Everything in her.

Peter was right. I've been feeling this for how many years now and I am too stupid and clueless to notice it, and maybe too afraid to acknowledge it. 'Cause this isn't me at all, this isn't my image. I am the playful Gaston who jumped from one girl to another, I have not opted for a serious relationship. Ever.

I touched her head, and she flinched a little bit. I warmly smiled at her, grabbed her and, and pulled her closer to mine. I did not wait a second and pulled her into a hug quickly. I felt her stiffen as I snaked my other hand on her waist and the other one at the back of her head.

I chucked at her reaction. "What are you doing to me, huh?" I whispered over her ears.

I felt her pushing me, trying to escape my arms, but not yet. I am not done yet. I can't confess to her face to face, matutunaw lang ako sa mga tingin niya.

"Please give me a moment…" I pleaded and she immediately stopped moving away from me.

I tighten my hug on her. It's now or never, Gaston, have the courage to confess now. And so, I breathed in deeply inhaling her addicting fruity scent that could calm my senses instantly.

"I like you so much...very...very much, and it's making me insane. It feels like a crime to feel this way for you." I breathily confessed.

I felt her stiffen in my hold but I felt lighter after confessing. Nawala ang bigat sa aking dibdib at isip na matagal ng bumabagabag sa akin. I've never felt this light and happy, iyon lang pala ang kulang sa akin, ang umamin sa sarili ko at sa kanya na matagal ko na siyang gusto.