Seeking Gaston Lynx Esquivel

Chapter 35

I looked at her chair. But she isn't here anymore.

I wasn't sad, nor angry. Or maybe...but I just wanna stay alone.

It is the last day of the semester and we could have our summer vacation.

After Peter and I talked. Hindi ko alam kung maliliwanagan ako o hindi. O sadyang ayoko lang intindihin muna ang mga nangyari sa akin. It feels like a fever dream. Pakiramdam ko walang nangyaring ganoon sa amin ng gabing iyon.

I felt like she was still here. At kailangan ko lang maghintay, at babalik na muli siya sa akin.

But I know that wasn't the case.

I sigh heavily and pack my things after our class. Mark then approached me.

Napatingin ako sa kanya. "Bar tayo mamaya! It's been months, Gaston." He excitedly approached.

I looked at Peter beside me and he just shrugged his shoulders off.

"And Ada isn't here anymore." He added, still smiling.

Kaagad na tumalim ang tingin ko sa kanya at kaagad na nabura ang mapaglarong ngiti sa kanyang labi. Naikuyom ko ang kamao ko.

"Hey, we will think about it. Sasabihan na lang kita kapag sumama kami." Peter interjected.

Padabog kong inayos ang mga gamit ko.

"Uhmmm, s-sige...mauna na ako."

I watched him exit the classroom, and some of my classmates who are still inside, looked at me with uncertainty.

I walked out the classroom still furious, and it's all because I heard her name. I harshly breath and felt Peter's presence at my back.

"Mag inuman na lang tayong dalawa sa condo ko o penthouse mo." He suggested  while we walked through the sea of students.

"No. I'll go to the bar tonight." I plainly said.

I heard him cursing as he tried catching up with me.

Wala namang mawawala sa akin kung magbabar ulit ako. Wala naman ng magagalit diba? And I'm free. I should be fine.

"Are you sure?" He asked again, still behind me.

"Yeah. Magkita na lang tayo sa bar by 10." I answered him without looking.

Binilisan ko na ang lakad ko at sumakay na sa sasakyan. I got in and manoeuvred it quickly. And he couldn't do anything but watch me drive off.

Kaagad akong nakarating sa penthouse. I went to my room and placed my things there. Afterwhich, I quickly got my cigarette and lit one. I walked onto my balcony and looked at the sunset. I'm just in time for it.

I need to take one. I need to relax, to clear my mind. It's been a long time too since I went back to this habit of mine. It's fine, wala naman ring nagbabawal sa akin.

I puffed off the smoke and I could feel my nerves slowly relaxing. This has become my habit again these last few days. It is addicting. Pero pinapakalma ako.

After one stick, I got another one. This would be the last time this afternoon. Magsasawa ako mamaya sa bar.

I slept after and woke up around 8 in the evening. I stared at the ceiling and my mind went blank again.

Fuck! I closed my eyes tightly. Napilitan akong bumangon. I took a cold shower at ayaw ko ng magtagal sa loob. I'm afraid I'll think of her again if I stay there a little longer.

Naghanda ako. I looked at myself in the mirror and noticed how my expression changed a lot. And my eyes, they are almost look unfamiliar to me. Huminga ako ng malalim, I should be fine.