Camp Sadness Of Dandelion

Chapter 19

It was rainy day when I got out from our village. Nagpaalam ako kay Mommy na pupunta lang muna ako kina Indy tutal wala namang pasok at tahimik lang sa bahay ay mabuti munang umalis ako sa bahay. Since Kendra died hindi palaging umaalis si Mommy sa bahay para pumunta sa club, sa trabaho niya. Ganun din si Lacy. Hindi na siya humihingi kay Mommy nang pera. At minsan nalang din si Lacy pumunta sa mga barkada niya.

There were changes inside our house. And I thought Kendra had to do about it. Hindi naman sa natutuwa ako sa pagkamatay ni Kendra na siyang naging tulay para palaging nasa bahay sina Mommy at Lacy, there were too many ways anyways, siguro kulang lang sa good communication dahil kailangan naman pag-usapan ang bagay-bagay.

I went to the Strawberry's since that place was my own haven even though many people arrived there, buying, and eating. I just wanted to get out from our house. Malungkot sa bahay. Malungkot dahil yung ilaw ng tahanan, parang nawalan na ng ligaya. It wasn't Mom's fault na namatay ang bunso niya. Walang may kasalanan o kung yun nga ay kasama naman ako doon dahil hindi ko nakakausap si Kendra.

At home, I always heard Mom crying, nakakasakit kapag naririnig ko siyang umiiyak. Paano kaya kung tinuloy ko yung suicide attempt ko noon at namatay din si Kendra, mas lalong mararamdaman ni Mommy ang pighati. Kaya umalis nalang muna ako sa bahay para gumaan naman ang loob ko.

I drew a deep breath. Ako na yung sumunod na bibili. "Vanilla and chocolate nga Indy. Please." Garalgal kong sabi.

Tipid na ngumiti si Indy. "Sige wait lang. Umupo ka nalang sa pwesto mo." sagot niya sa akin.

At last I was lucky enough to get my favorite spot. Sa corner. Agad akong umupo doon bago pa man maagaw ng iba. Dala ko lang ang maliit na hand bag ko na regalo ni Mommy noong Christmas. This bag was my favorite because it's yellow at magaan lang siyan dalhin. Phone, wallet, at handkerchief ko lang ang nasa loob ng bag ko.

It was summer that's why the Strawberry's had received too many customers. So nagtayo sila ng tent sa labas at may dinagdagan silang chairs and tables dahil maraming tao ang gustong kumain ng malamig lalo na ngayong summer.

Naisip ko yung summer job na inooffer ni Indy sa akin. Gusto ko yung tanggapin para naman may rason ako para umalis sa bahay. Kapag umalis sa bahay sina Mommy at Lacy ay ako lang ang mag-isa, at sobrang lungkot.

Hindi ko pa nararamdaman yung pakiramdam na... masaya. I wanted to feel happy. I wanted the real one. Yung hindi lang bagay na binibigay sa akin o yung praises. I wanted the genuine happiness. Ang hirap maghanap ng ganun kung puro pasakit ang palagi kong nakakasalubong. Palagi nalang yun araw-araw. Sa bahay puro sigaw sina Mommy, sa school ay yung pagbubully sa akin.

That's why I'm always here at Strawberry's because I felt safe here. One time when I came from school maybe a year ago or two, Tyra followed me here and then she made fun at me. I was so embarrassed of how she face-shamed me. She said my eyes were like my Mom's— they're attracting sugar daddies, she said my face was small like camel's. Matangkad pero maliit at bilog ang mukha. Hence, Indy began to stepped forward and shooed them away.

That's why Indy and I became acquainted because I was also their regular customer and then that bullying happened here kaya alam ni Indy na binubully ako.

I glanced down at my phone. Clearing those thoughts, I sighed empathetically, I was supposed to call on Indy when someone sat across mine. Wave's wavy hair were dancing through the air when he sat down.

"Thought you're here that's why I came here. It's a good thing that I listened to my instincts."

I smiled back at him just to assured I'm capable of listening to his humors today. Feeling ko ay kailangan ko talaga nun lalo na't busy si Indy. Ang dami pang nakapila pero napatingin siya sa akin nang maramdaman niyang may nakatingin sa kanya. She just gave me an apologetic look but I gestured to her that I could wait. Wala naman akong gagawin na iba maliban sa pakikinig sa bagong dating.