Bungou Stray Dogs One Shots

FyoLai/FyoGol

Requested by nikolaikinniereal. It has been a few months so I hope you still remember and please, enjoy :)

"Dos-kun!!!"

Fyodor turned a page of his book that he's reading, feeling his impending doom slowly approaching from the back of the couch that he's currently sitting upon, one leg crossed over the other.

"Dos-kun?"

He felt his ushanka lifted off of his head, hearing the cheery voice ringing and echoing throughout the empty room he's in. He stayed silent, his attention on his book.

"Dos-kun, I'll leave you if you keep ignoring me."

No, you won't.

Fyodor knows him too well.

Another page turned over, marking the passing of time. He doesn't need to turn around, to glance at the back of him. He doesn't need to do those because he knew it belonged to Nikolai.

After all, who else would be so crazy to love him yet desire to kill him as well?

"Boo, you're no fun."

Another page turned.

Fyodor might as well have worn ear plugs with the way he's affectively ignoring the voice, but it wouldn't be of use. Nikolai was too distracting in many ways.

Why does the air feel so heavy on his chest?

"I'll die of heartbreak if you keep ignoring me!"

The voice jabbed at his mind, refusing to leave him alone. Such a persistent, dramatic tone that only belonged to Nikolai and Nikolai alone, no one else.

Who else knows Nikolai better than him, Fyodor Dostoyevsky?

Another page turned. The calming sound of rustling paper usually soothed Fyodor as he touched the fragile papers of the pages, could be easily torn if not handled with care.

Everyone is fragile. After they're broken, that's when they stop being fragile.

"Dos-kun, stop ignoring me!!"

Fyodor kept his attention solely on the book alone, reading through the finely printed lines of numerous sentences on each pages with surprising speed he gained over the months.

He could feel prods in his cheek, attempting to snatch his attention away. He stayed resolute, focusing on his book that he's reading through and will get to the end, eventually.

Birds spread their wings to fly freely into the empty sky.

"Waah, Dos-kun is ignoring me!"

Such trick. Faking your cry as an attempt to grab someone's attention. Nikolai should have known that Fyodor won't get fooled by that.

Cries can be faked to the point when you don't know if they're actually real.

Another page turned as seconds of time ticked slowly by, creeping like a snail making its journey across the room. The ticking of the clock annoyed Fyodor particularly.

"...Dos-kun?"

He could feel tugs at the back of his shirt, Nikolai desperately trying to grab his attention. For Fyodor to just pay attention on him for more time.

Was the last greeting really a good-bye, or was it just a 'see you later'?

Ignoring the tugs, Fyodor kept his focus on the book. Nikolai might as well pounce on him or declare an earthquake and shove him off of the couch, he won't pay attention to this jester today.

"Fyodor."

Fyodor looked up, seeing another person entering the room. He placed the book down, leaning back into the couch as his usual creepy smile crept back to his face.

"Hello, Sigma." He greeted nonchalantly, like nothing ever happened between them. Maybe nothing happened, although a lot had happened physically.

"How are you?"

Such a stupid question given for a man like Fyodor.

"I believe that I'm fine."

And such a stupid answer given.

"I don't trust your beliefs. Are you fine or no?"

Persistent. Annoying. Unlike Nikolai's, Sigma's voice is more of a stern, lecturing tone. The kind of voice you'd expect from a parent to their child.

Fyodor turned another page in his book, the time passing on. Second by second ticked by, so slowly that he began counting in his mind to make sure that time was actually progressing.

Tick. Tick. Tick.

"Fyodor?"

"Dos-kun?"

Ignorance. Ignorance is key, the perfect key to stay sane. But then again, when was he ever sane? He had lost his sanity a long time now, almost could be considered 'forever'.

People feel, but they feel too much. That's when they break and stop.

"Are you still hearing Nikolai?"

Ignore. Read. Turn.

However, his own body, the thing that he thought that he actually had control of, betrayed him. His hand automatically went to the top of his head to feel.

His ushanka.

It was still there, lying on his head. Nikolai didn't take it off of his head. But Fyodor swore he could feel the jester's hand actually removing it, the wind blowing.

But then again, ever since the date of Nikolai's death, he kept 'feeling' all these things that had never happened because Nikolai isn't there anymore.

He never was.

Yet his voice stayed to torment him each day.

Acceptance means you're giving up part of your dignity, your pride.

"Fyodor, Nikolai's gone and nothing will change that."

Birds fly freely in the empty sky with not a single worry in their little heads as they chirped and sung with all their little hearts.

"Fyodor. Please listen to me."

Happiness is only temporary, and even if that came, how do you truly know if it was true happiness? Why must everything be so confusing?

"Fyodor!"

Not a reaction. He had trained himself to not be so easily startled by others, to stay in his own silent world of reading numerous books. He seemed to have increased his speed in learning.

The fragile pages used to have a soothing rustling sound as he turned the pages, feeling the material between his fingers, seeing and reading the finely printed lines after lines of perfectly pieced together sentences.

Reading was such a soothing hobby for Fyodor. Why did it suddenly change into something tiring ever since Nikolai had gone from his life?

Not once. Never once in his life did he ever missed someone after the passing of their death until Nikolai came along amd ruined it all for him.

Did he miss Nikolai? Someone as annoying, persistent, cheerful, insane as he? Although Nikolai just desired freedom. Freedom from feelings, the underlying guilt that he tried so hard to conceal under his 'insanity'.

"Fyodor?"

He missed Nikolai. The person who declared them as friends and never showed an ounce of fear towards him.

"I'm fine, Sigma."

What else can he say?

People come and people go. In the end, you'll only have yourself to look after.

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