Is It Really Hate?

Chapter 17

Tw: Mentions of physical abuse, sexual abuse, and drug addiction

Alè-

After the funeral I went back home. I was supposed to go over to Mia's but mom said she wanted me to come home. Why? I'm not sure. She said she had a surprise for me.

What I didn't expect was that said surprise being a man. A man who was supposedly her boyfriend. A man who she claims she's been seeing for a few months. A man who would be living in our house.  A man. The last man who lived here was my dad.

I wanted to cry, kick, scream, punch, and throw up all at once, but I just stood there. Frozen. Unable to speak.

What if he ends up being like my dad? We finally got everything back on track. My little brother finally started smiling, laughing, being a damn kid again. I finally got clean, could sleep again, felt better about myself. I already feel all of that going away. I'm scared for it all to go away.

Looking at this man. The one who is going to be living here. All I can see is my dad. The same one who would hit me, make me feel like shit for breathing. The same one who hit my little brother for simply dropping a toy when he was only 5. The same one who let me take the beatings that were meant for my brother. The same man who would touch me. The same man who fucked my head up so much I was starting to question if I was the reason for all of this happening.

I forgot what being happy felt like. I forgot what it felt like to go 5 minutes being sober. I forgot what my body looked like without having new bruises, or cuts all over my body. I forgot what it felt like to feel like I was worth being here. I forgot that not everyone who raised their hand near me or would touch my arm or raise their voice near me was trying to hurt me.

And right when I start to get better. Right when I start to feel normal. Right when I am able to be in the same room as grown men without shaking and freaking out. Right when I'm able to be touched without wanting to cry, my mom brings a man I don't know into the house.

Standing here staring at this man, who is sitting here with a look that I can't quite figure out. He's staring at me with these eyes that look almost black, his hair brown with slight grey pieces here and there. He looks like a normal guy, he might be a normal guy but the longer I look at him the more I see my dad and the memories start coming back.

Someone touches my arm making me flitch. Looking at who it was, I see it's just my mom. She's looking at me with concern, but with a hint of something else that I can't figure out. She speaks softly with a slight warning mixed in there, "Alè, honey, say hi."

I look at her confused. I'm so damn confused right now. "Um.. hi." My voice is shaking.

The man, who I know I was told the name of but I can't remember it, says, "Hi Alèjandra, it's nice to meet you."

His voice. It sounds just like my dad's. Fuck, this is getting worse and worse.

I just nod my head and turn back to my mom, "Wheres Leo?" Leo's my little brother, who I really, really need to see right now. Him and Mia help make everything better. Just being around them helps calm me. They're the reason I fought so very hard to get clean. They came to me. Told me they were scared, scared they were going to lose me. Turns out Leo went to Mia, told her he didn't want to lose me. He cried because he was scared to lose me. From that moment on I decided to make it my life's mission to stay clean and make it up to them. To Leo. To everyone.

"He's in his room. Has been for a while now, can you go check on him? Food should be done soon, come back down here in 30 minutes. We're going to eat all together, me, you, Leo, and Victor."