"I hate him. He's rude, annoying, stupidly hot, and he makes me feel things I shouldn't feel. I hate it so much." -Mia
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"I hate her. She's an annoying little fine ass know it all. She's always in my head, I can't think properly around her, or...
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It's been a week since I last went home. Mom has been calling me. At one point I thought about going back but then she had left a voicemail with her and Victor telling me to come home. It wasn't even that bad honestly, what made it bad was that Leo had my phone and he was the one who heard the voicemail. He got so mad, way too mad for a 8 year old.
Today I've decided enough is enough. It's time to go over there. I took Leo to football practice earlier, I don't have to pick him up though. He's going to his friend's house tonight which is good because he needs a break.
I've been sitting outside of my house for 10 minutes, contemplating on going inside or just leaving.
After another 5 minutes of sitting here I finally build up the courage to go in.
Walking into the house I'm reminded of everything that happened the last time I was here. The betrayal and hurt I felt about my mom telling my personal story to a stranger.
Before I'm even fully into the house I feel a strong grip on my arm and the next thing I know I'm on the floor. "Where the fuck have you been?" Looking up I'm met with Victor. Looking at him, truly looking at him makes me realize just how much he looks like my dad.
The only difference between before and now is that I'm not the same weak little girl I was before. I get up from the floor and stand there just looking at him. I can tell he's getting impatient and he looks to be getting uncomfortable.
From what Mia told me, he obviously knows about the abuse from my father. I mean he works for the dumb fuck. "Where's my mom?"
"Don't act fucking worried about her now. You haven't been here in days, she's been worried sick. But you're a selfish little slut. I bet you've been out whoring around, haven't you? Begging for guys attention?"
I hate that accusation. "Wow I'm surprised that with all the information my mom told you she left out the most important part."
"And what's that?"
I shrug saying, "Guys aren't my thing."
He looks taken aback by that. Which makes me laugh, which leads to him slapping me.
Looks like someone got their little feelings hurt.
All the confidence I had before just went flying out the damn window. He hits me again, this time harder making me fall to the floor again.
He starts yelling at me, calling me a whore, selfish, a fucking disappointment. Everything my dad called me growing up. He's hitting me, kicking me in my stomach. I'm so damn confused on how this happened.
How exactly did I get put in a situation like this again? What did I do that was so fucking bad that I deserve all of this?
It feels like years go by with him still hurting me. He keeps on until we hear a car outside, meaning my mom's home. He stops, finally. I'm struggling to breathe, blood is running down my face. I can feel a cut above my eyebrow, I can practically feel the bruises forming all over my body.
"Get the fuck up before your mom sees you." I stay still, "Get up now." He says it this time with more anger, more harshly than before.
I start to get up. Everything hurts. It hurts so much. I use the wall to help me stay balanced so I don't fall.
Once I'm up he tells me to leave through the backdoor so my mom doesn't see me. For me to not come back until the cuts and bruises are gone.
He says I better not tell my mom what he did, otherwise he'll kill me.
I hate the way part of me actually believes him. I hate that, that part of me that believes him is over powering the part of me that doesn't. I've been through this before and yet I still believe him. I listen to what he says, I leave through the backdoor.
Run to my car, and drive off.
My head isn't in the right place right now. My whole body hurts and I just want it to stop. I want the memories to go away, the pain to go away. I want it all to just stop, even for a little while.
Which is why I drive to the street I'm oh, so familiar with. The street I swore to myself I wouldn't come back to. The place that I let myself rot in for 2 years. The same place where Mia found me once, practically half dead.
I know I shouldn't be here, but I can't help it. I need everything to stop and the only way I know how to make it stop is to run to drugs. It's my default mechanism. Has been since the last time I saw my dad. Since the first time he touched me in places no one else had, at the ripe age of 13.
I ran to drugs as a way out then, and I'm running to them as a way out now. I'm sure I'll regret this tomorrow but right now I'm willing to risk it all.
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———— 891 words
Sorry for the short chapter, i'm finishing up the next one so it should be out soon.
