"I hate him. He's rude, annoying, stupidly hot, and he makes me feel things I shouldn't feel. I hate it so much." -Mia
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"I hate her. She's an annoying little fine ass know it all. She's always in my head, I can't think properly around her, or...
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Remember how silence gets me thinking.
Well, we stopped talking for two minutes and now I'm having a mental breakdown on the inside. All the things Isaac's brother brought up earlier that was in my file, that I also realized I left at Isaac's house, has now caught up to me.
I haven't thought about any of it since it happened until now.
I got help. Went to therapy about the eating disorder and the anxiety. I had started to feel better.
The nightmares I would get about what Chase (the stupid ass boyfriend I had) and his best friend did to me went away. Everything got better, over time.
I blocked it all out of my mind. Took medicine. Everything.
But now sitting here, thinking, everything is getting to me.
Remember that ache between my legs, yeah that's disappeared and was replaced with panic.
I'm not sure what exactly the panic is for though. I know Isaac would never do anything like that to me, or anyone at that. I know if he was to find out what happened he would understand, try to help. But he doesn't need to worry about me.
No one needs to worry about me. I'm fine. Everything is fine.
I eat normally now. I sleep normally, with no nightmares. I'm able to have fucking sex without wanting to kill the person because I start to think of them as Chase and his friend. I'm able to go to parties again. I'm able to make it through the day without having horrible anxiety. I'm able to look at my body and feel pretty, good about myself.
I. Am. Fine.
But looking down at my lap, at my thighs. They look big. My stomach looks slightly bigger. I need to go workout soon.
Baby no. You're perfect.
I just need to burn off a few pounds. Just a few, nothing major.
"Mia, we're here. Are you okay?" I feel Isaac shaking my shoulders to get me to snap out of the trance I was in.
"Huh? Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. Let's go." I try to ignore the way I was stuttering. I hate when that happens.
I get out the car, Isaac following me. He walks over to me, putting a hand on my lower back as we walk making me tense a little.
Shit. Why is this happening? I don't tense at people touching me.
He removes his hand, quickly. I can feel the concern rolling off of him even though my back is to him. He doesn't say anything until we get into his penthouse. "Why'd you tense when I touched you? What happened? Did I do something?" I don't look at him. I can't look at him.
I want to tell him. I want to tell him what happened. But I can't. I can't bring myself to tell him. Why can't I fucking tell him?
"I'm fine. It's just been a long day. I guess I'm a little paranoid." I can feel him looking at me. I keep my gaze on any and every thing that isn't him. "Can I go take a shower? That water hose one did not cut it." I change the subject, and let out a small laugh.
