Is It Really Hate?

Chapter 35

You know that part in a movie where the characters drift apart and the main character doesn't know why they are drifting?

Yeah, well that's me. I'm the main character and Mia is the other character. We're drifting and I don't know why.

I don't know if I did something or not. All I know is that it's killing me not talking to her but the last time I did she seemed weird. Off, different.

She flinched when I touched her. In class she zones out the whole time. Something's bothering her and I can tell she doesn't want to talk about it.

I just wish she would talk to me. Not about what's bothering her, but just to talk to me in general. She won't even look at me for longer than two seconds.

If she did want to tell me what's wrong I would gladly tell listen. And I would gladly beat the shit out of whoever it is that is fucking with her head. Whoever or whatever is messing with her head is fucking with mine. Fucking with mine because she hasn't talked to me, I haven't seen her smile her real fucking smile, I haven't been near her, touched her, kissed her, anything in two weeks.

Two mother fucking weeks.

These two weeks made me realize that maybe, maybe, maybe, I don't hate her. I never realized how much not talking to her, even if she's getting mad at me for simply breathing, was something I could miss. I always found her annoying, I always hated her.

But now, now after two weeks of nothing but quick glances towards each other, I realize. I realize now that maybe I didn't actually hate her.

I think I just said I hated her to hide the fact that I didn't hate her.

You know how people say if you tell yourself something so much, eventually you'll believe it?

Yeah that's what happened to me. I told myself I hated her, and I truly started to believe that I hated her.

Now, it takes all my strength not to go over to her house and fuck the hell out of her for making me feel like this. For making me feel like I'm losing my mind because she won't talk to me, won't look at me, nothing.

Never in my 19 years of life have I felt like this about a person. I feel like the longer she goes without talking to me that more I lose my mind.

I'm worried. Fucking worried. I don't worry about talking to people. But with her. God, with her, I'm worried.

I wish she would just talk to me. Anything.

She hasn't been talking to anyone really. Except for that girl that is almost always wearing something that has spider-man or something about basketball on it. I think her name is Malibu.

I'm not sure when they became friends but they did, and now she's one of the few people Mia talks to.

Mia leaves during lunch since she got her privileges back and Malibu goes with her. Sometimes Alè and ReRe will. Hell even Noah left with them once. Noah asked if I wanted to go with them. I said no even though I did want to go, but Mia didn't ask me to go. If she would've asked me then I would've said yes. But she didn't ask.