Underthink

Chapter One // Rae

** TRIGGER WARNING **
Loss, depression, cancer and various types of drugs are mentioned in this story.
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~~ UNDERTHINK; (v) To not fully consider or analyse, opposite of overthink. ~~

I watched Mrs Walker cut up my leaving cake as Sophia hugged me tightly, I could feel her heart beating on my chest. She pulled away and smiled widely at me while holding my face in both of her shaky hands.

"I'm going to be with you the whole way, you know that right?" She asked, I nodded with a nervous grin on my face. I should've left college a long time ago but I loved my history class so much, I have made lots of amazing friends here and I would miss them too much if I was locked up in my house all day. Everyone began to surround me and give me hugs and some positive comments, "You can do this" "You can get better!" "You're so strong".

Strong?

I hate being called strong, how am I strong? I can't control this life threatening disease which consumes my body and brings me down, I'm doing nothing so I'm not particularly strong. I thanked everybody for their kind words and Mrs Walker gave out the slices of cake to everyone in the class.

I sat down on my chair beside Iris and she gave me a reassuring smile before patting me on the back lightly, I sighed while Mrs Walker gave me a huge piece of cake.

"It is your cake Rae and you deserve the biggest piece" She said while laughing, the positive energy around me was incredible.

"When does your chemo start?" Iris asked with cake covering her face, I looked up at her and started to laugh loudly. She stared at me weirdly before realising what was wrong and quickly wiped her face with her long green jumper.

"I have to go in later today, I'll be starting early tomorrow morning" I explained while picking at the huge piece of cake in front of me. Everybody continued to chat for a while and I couldn't help but feel sad, this could possibly be the last time I'm ever in this classroom with all of these people. I put my huge leather coat on and fixed my beanie as the clock reached 11:00am, which was my time to leave.

"I think you will all agree with me when I say it has been a pleasure to have you in this class" Mrs Walker said before giving me a hug, everyone agreed and watched as Mrs Walker gave me a small glittery bag with something inside.

"Save it for later" She said quietly while opening the classroom door for me.

"Proud of you Rae!" Dale shouted from the other end of the classroom, I gave him the thumbs up and he copied me. Dale is the laid back trouble maker of the class so I was surprised that he gave a shit with what was happening. I grabbed my bags and Sophia followed after me, I looked back at Louise who was looking over at everyone that was crowding around me. When she noticed me watching her she glanced down quickly and continued to file her nails with a look of disgust plastered on her face, I rolled my eyes and left the classroom. Sophia walked me down the corridors and we got inside the elevator before pressing the ground floor button.

"How are you feeling about this?" She asked as the elevator made loud screeching sounds on its way down the building, I shrugged my shoulders.

"I'm a little nervous I guess, I've done chemo before but I feel like it'll be harder this time" I admitted with a sigh, Sophia nodded as if she understood but really she didn't. Me and Sophia have been friends for almost fourteen years now and she's always been there for me, we share the same birthday so I see her as a twin sister.

"Would I be allowed to visit you later on today?" She asked as we exited the elevator and walked towards the front doors of college.

"You don't need to do that Sophia, don't worry about me" I laughed, Sophia rolled her eyes and hit me lightly on the arm.

"I worry about you all the time! I'll see you later alright?" She said before giving me another huge hug, I nodded and left the building. My mum was waiting directly outside with a frown on her face, I don't think she was excited about me being out of college either.

"You got a present from somebody? How lovely" Mum said enthusiastically while taking my bag off my back and throwing it into the boot of the car, I jumped into the passenger seat and sighed loudly.

The first stop was home, I needed to pick up my over night bag and some electrical's to keep me busy while staying in the hospital. We didn't live far from college and I usually made my way home independently but this time mum wouldn't let me.

My two younger sisters are at school until 3:00pm everyday and by then I'll already be in the hospital so I won't be able to say bye to them, which makes me kind of upset. Me, Gracie and Amy are extremely close and always have been. They hate when I have to stay in the hospital over night because then we barely get to see each other.

Mum pulled into our drive way and I quickly got out of the car and ran up to my messy bedroom where Jax was lying in the middle of my bed hoarding all the blankets, Jax is my cat and my best friend. We have two cats and they are identical, Jax is my cat and Flame is Gracie's. They have been with us for around seven years and I absolutely love them.. well I love Jax, Flame is a grumpy lump who occasionally tries to steal my bed.

I grabbed my over night bag and began to pack my Disney jumpers and pyjamas, I'm a huge Disney fan as you can probably tell. When Sophia comes to stay at my house we stay up all night having Disney marathons and sing at the top of our lungs until my mum screams her head off from the top of the stairs. It makes me happy.

I cuddled Jax tightly for a moment before mum entered my room and continued to pack my bag, I sighed quietly while kissing Jax repeatedly on the head.

"Can I take him with me?" I asked while laughing, mum ignored me while packing my underwear and other belongings. I was hoping that there would be a TV in my hospital room so I could watch Disney movies and possibly Netflix to keep me busy, I wouldn't be doing much while stuck in a small cramped room.

"Come on, we have to go now" Mum said as she put my heavy over night bag on her shoulder and walked downstairs, I followed after her with Jax in my arms. He wriggled free and ran back into my bedroom to find the warm spot on the bed where he was sitting before.

"Should I tidy my room?" I asked mum while slowly walking down the stairs, she shook her head while fixing her hair in the mirror.

"I'll clean it for you when I get home, don't worry about it" She said with a smile, she held out her hand and I took it. We held hands and walked to the car like mother and daughter goals. I'm really close with my mum as well as my sisters, family means a lot to me.

I always get nervous for going into hospital even though I have done it hundreds of times before, the hospital is like a second home to me. The main struggle is the wifi because it's terrible, not the treatment or the boredom. I sat back in the passenger seat of the car and closed my eyes before sighing loudly.

Time to go to hell.