Underthink

Chapter Forty One // "Dear Elise.."

- Rae's POV -

I woke up to the buzzing noise of the hospital phone next to my bed, I took my time to reach across the small wooden table before bringing the phone to my ear.

"Good morning Rae, your family are here to see you. Are you free?" The woman at the desk asked in a chirpy tone.

"Yes, thank you" I said almost in a whisper, she hung up and I closed my eyes again. I was aching all over and I could barely move my body, the treatment was taking over every part of me.

The best thing about being in hospital when I'm like this is that I am completely protected and hidden from all of my friends. None of them know I am like this, I told Sophia I was getting better and she believed every word I said. I hadn't spoke to Elise in a long time and I missed her a lot, she hadn't been to work in a while but honestly I wouldn't have let her see me anyway. Am I a bad person for being like this? I just don't want anyone to worry, they all have their own problems and struggles.

The door across the room opened and unlike every other time they visited Gracie stayed by mums side as they slowly entered the room. Amy sat down on the end of my bed and smiled at me, they all stayed silent with terrified expressions on their faces. Dad walked in with some drinks and chocolate bars for Gracie and Amy, they thanked him and began to quietly eat their snacks.

"How are you sweetie?" Mum asked with a sympathetic smile, I shrugged my shoulders. I was afraid to speak in case it made my little sisters even more frightened at the state I was in.

Dad turned on my TV and had the music channel on a low volume to get rid of the awkward silence in the room. Gracie began to sing to the song on the TV, she hummed it to herself while dancing slightly with chocolate melting in her hands.

"Don't you dare wipe those hands on Rae's sheets!" Mum shouted while digging into her bag and finding some wipes for Gracie, I giggled to myself and Amy smiled at me. Dad slowly helped me to sit up in my bed as I was still laying down. Moving put my body in agony but I held in the tears because my family were surrounding me. He propped up some pillows behind my back and then kissed me on the head once I was sitting upright.

"I have a school project Rae, I need to make my dream house!" Gracie told me excitedly. Amy rolled her eyes and I stared at her weirdly.

"All she does is talk about this stupid project" Amy huffed, I hit her lightly on the arm as if to say "Let her!". Gracie gave Amy an evil grin because she knew I was on her side.

"Anyway, I decided to do a pink and blue theme. What do you think Rae?" Gracie asked me before sipping her fizzy drink which dad bought her.

"It's a good idea, I can't wait to see it" I said quietly, she smiled then looked over at the TV.

A nurse entered the room which was mum and dads cue to leave the room and talk about how I was getting on with the treatment, I knew it wasn't going to be positive news and so did my parents. Amy and Gracie went silent again when the nurse took mum and dad outside of my hospital room, Amy continued to stare at me and smile every time I looked at her. It was the most quiet me and my sisters had ever been together.

"Has Sophia visited lately?" Amy asked, she was clearly trying to make conversation. I shook my head.

"Nope, everyone is really busy with college and stuff.." I lied, none of them knew I was so unwell. I told Sophia she wasn't allowed to visit me, knowing her she would make a huge deal out of this and drop everything for me. I don't want her to panic.

Mum and dad were gone for a really long time, almost an hour later they returned and it was pretty clear that my mum had been crying. Gracie didn't notice mums patchy red eyes but Amy definitely did, she stared at mum and dad with so much fear. They sat down again and just stared at me, I felt extremely uncomfortable.

"Rae, do you want me to stay the night?" Mum asked while holding my hand, I stared at her weirdly.

"You're not allowed to do that mum, even if you could you have work tomorrow morning" I laughed slightly, she looked heartbroken as she nodded slightly and looked down to the floor. What the hell is going on?

A few hours passed, the mood was instantly lifted when Gracie suggested we played eye spy. The game went on for a good two hours and I enjoyed every minute of it (when in the past I hated that boring game with a passion). It made me forget my situation, my illness and where I was for a while. I was almost certain that we were sitting in our living room on a Saturday night stuffing our faces with crisps and playing stupid games.

It began to get dark outside which meant visiting hours would be over soon and then I'd be alone once again. Mum promised that she would come to see me as soon as she got out of work, my sisters also said they would visit after school. Everyone began to hug and kiss me goodnight, mum began to get emotional again which freaked Amy out.

"Lets go girls, see you tomorrow Rae" Dad said as they left my hospital room and waved, I waved back at them and smiled to myself. Mum stood still in my hospital room for a second before realising she hadn't moved, I watched her anxiously.

"If you need me at any time you call me, okay?" Mum said in a serious tone, I nodded and she kissed my cheek before leaving. I sighed loudly and glanced across to my bedside table.

When I came to the hospital all those months ago I brought a notebook to doodle in when I was bored.. It gave me an idea.

Why not write a Elise a letter?

I'm clearly never going to have the confidence to tell her face to face that I think I love her (I know I love her), so I may as well pour out my feelings on a piece of paper right?

"Dear Elise.."

I grabbed my pen and began to write, I started it with me not being honest about my health. How I am actually getting worse and none of my friends know, only family members. I vented about how scared I am to be stuck in a hospital all the time, to not be experiencing the world like any other teenager would be. I told her things I haven't told anyone, not even Sophia my best friend..

..And the rest is a mystery to you.

~~~~~~~~

I woke up suddenly out of breath, I glanced across at the digital clock on my bedside table to see that it was approaching 4:00am. It was still dark outside but I could see the lights of the city, the nurses must've forgot to close my curtains. I smiled widely before sitting up properly without any help, how did I do that?

I felt no pain at all, I walked across my room to the window before pressing my hands against the cold glass and smiling again. It was a beautiful view that I had never noticed before.

I was standing up perfectly, there were no wires attached to me like there had been for weeks.

"Rae?" A voice whispered, I jumped slightly because I wasn't expecting anybody to be awake at this time. At first I thought it was going to be a nurse telling me off for getting out of bed but when I turned around there was a huge glowing light in the corner of my room. I squinted my eyes and watched it for a moment before it began to flash.

"Rae! It's me!" The voice shouted again, I could see a smile faintly in the glow.

"I don't know who you are" I muttered but oddly I didn't feel scared, I didn't feel anything. I began to approach it just in curiosity of what it might be, when I got closer the glow began to fade and then I gasped.

It was an angel, she was floating slightly off the ground and she had huge white wings. Her hair was the brightest blonde, it was long and almost touched the floor. She was also wearing a white dress.

"Why are you here? Have I done something wrong?" I asked until suddenly she lifted her arms and I was floating in the air with her. I felt weightless and free, I lay on my back while floating and the angel joined me. She held my hand gently before glancing across at me, I did the same but it was hard to stare at her for long as the glowing affect made my eyes water.

"You know Rae.. You're going to have to wake up soon" She said before smiling, I sighed and looked away.

"Not just yet"