Underthink

Chapter Sixty Two // "I Can Do This"

- Louise's POV -

The train was insanely crowded and it made me feel nauseous, I no longer felt comfortable around lots of people. Today I was going back home to visit my mother as we hadn't spoke since the incident with my house party. I had been staying with my dad and his partner for a few weeks and they were treating me really well, the only problem was I had locked myself away in the huge house the whole time and refused to talk to my college 'friends'.

My dad is being very supportive, I opened up to him and told him that I am pregnant and he assured me he would do anything to help. He offered to come with me to abort or he would book frequent doctors appointments for me.

So, I've chosen to keep the baby.

I'm reckless and stupid but maybe for the first time in my life I will have something to wake up for, something to cherish and love. This baby could help me become the adult I've always wanted to be, strong and independent.

I had already been to see a doctor while staying with my dad, they thought it was best to find out who the father is but I'm not quite sure I want to know. The doctor told me to give them every phone number of the guys I have had sex with in the past few months, it was very awkward.

My bump was slowly growing and if you looked close enough you could clearly see it. Women whispered and stared across the train at me, it was as if they were talking about me in a bad way. I hadn't felt the need to dress up like I do usually because I've been hiding away for a while, I had no motivation to sit at a desk for an hour and apply make up. I'm pretty sure I looked awful today (No wonder they were staring).

I got off the train and took a deep breath in..

"I can do this" I whispered as people pushed passed me to get to wherever they needed to be. I began walking down the busy road with the sun beating down on me.

I'm incredibly nervous to see my mum again, once she finds out I'm pregnant I know she will think I'm a failure. Doesn't she think I'm one anyways? All my life while living under her roof I have been thrown to the side, she cares about her business more than her family and I blame her for being so fucked up at times.

I was wearing a heavy coat even though the weather was beautiful but I felt like I was going to be judged if anybody from college saw me walking around with a baby bump, there would be so many rumours spread around. Only three people know that I am going to have a baby, James, my dad and his partner.

I made it to my empty street with my house in the middle, it looked completely different on the outside than what it used to. My mum probably wanted a new start as I did destroy the whole house with a three day party.

I approached the house and knocked on the door while wrapping my coat around my stomach in case it was the first thing she would notice. I heard her high heels coming towards the door..

"Marcus? You can come on in!" She shouted while opening the door, her smile instantly dropped and she stared at me in shock. She was dressed in a glittery black dress and had a glass of wine in her hand.

"Hi mum.." I said quietly with a smile, she peeked her head out of the house as if she was checking that nobody was watching us. She grabbed me by the wrist and pulled me into the house and then slammed the door. Why wasn't she saying anything? Was she not happy to see me?

Mum walked off into the kitchen, I followed after her and looked around at how different the house looked.

"Why are you here Louise? Where are you been all this time?" She asked me while sitting down at the dinner table and drinking her wine, I sat down opposite to her.

"I was staying with dad"

She rolled her eyes and groaned at my words, where else was I suppose to go?

"He has been helping me a lot, more than you could imagine" I told her confidently, for some reason I wasn't nervous. Mum downed the wine in the glass and then began to pour more.

"Would you like a glass?" She offered, I shook my head quickly and she stared in confusion.

"You never refuse a drink. Staying with your dad has changed you" Mum said while laughing and pulling her shoes off. I closed my eyes tightly to compose myself..

"I should tell you how well the modelling business is going. My models are being noticed by the biggest of companies! They are looking to take me and my business to New York, it's going to be incredible and I'll be away for a while so-"

"MUM, I'M PREGNANT" I shouted loudly across the table, mum stared at me with her mouth wide open. I sat back in my chair and waited for her to tell me off for being a slut and a dumb teenager.

"That's amazing Louise!" She yelled before jumping up and giving me a huge hug, I hugged her back in shock. This is not the reaction I was expecting. Mum started talking about finances for the baby and asking me how many weeks I was, she put on the kettle and began making tea for us both.

"You know I never liked James that much but I am so happy for you both" Mum said with a wide smile as she made the tea, my eyes widened and my heart began to thump. She doesn't know that me and James split up and she also doesn't know that I have no idea who the father is.

"Actually mum.. Me and James split up and I don't know who the father of the baby is.." I muttered while lowering my head, there was a crash at the sink because she dropped the mug that was in her hands. She turned around and looked across the room at me before grabbing her shoes and storming out of the kitchen, I ran after her.

"You never had a problem with me having sex with other guys? Why are you so pissed now?! This was bound to happen!" I shouted while trying to grab onto her arm as she rushed away from me. She stopped walking and stood still.

"I thought you were sensible, did you even use protection with all these random boys you had sex with?!" Mum shouted angrily, I put my head in my hands and sighed loudly.

"I'm not stupid! Of course I used protection!"

"THEN WHY ARE YOU PREGNANT? GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!" She screamed, I grabbed my bag and ran to the front door. I needed to get out of here before I had a breakdown in front of the evilest person I know.

Once upon a time me and my mum were best friends, I told her everything without worrying what she would think but now she is my worst enemy. All I wanted was a bit of support from her, if I had that then this pregnancy would be much easier for me. She got pregnant with me at eighteen so why is she so mad at me? What have I done to deserve so much hate and anger from her?

I cried while rushing down the street back to the train station because I clearly wasn't wanted here anymore. I know at my dads house I am properly cared for and wanted, it's the first time I've felt that type of love from a family member.

I sat down at the train station and waited for the next train while wiping my eyes, I took out my phone and planned a message for my mum..

"You don't know how strong I am and how I can do ANYTHING. This child is going to be the greatest thing to ever happen to me, a baby will make me see who I really am and what I am capable of. I'm not going to let your negativity define me anymore, I am my own person and I can do this. I can."

I smiled widely through my tears and sent the message. It's time to go home.