I need you here with me // Carl Grimes [EDITING]

Sixty Eight - Reignition.

"This is how we work with the hilltop colony, we have to fight in order to eat, to love, to survive."

"This has to be a group decision so if anyone doesn't agree with this, say your piece now."

"Are you sure we can do this?" Morgan stood, he looked genuinely concerned and that worried me because I had never seen him that way, it was quite similar to the first time I saw Rick cry, "Because if we can't do this... I don't want to have to be the one left standing when all of those innocent people die at the hands of Negan."

"You won't have to be."

"They always come back!" Morgan exclaimed

"They come back when they're dead too"

"I'm not talking about the walkers."

"We don't shy away from it we live, we kill them all, we don't all have to kill but if people are gonna stay here they do have to accept it."

"Hey!" I yelled over Morgan and Rick's bickering and the rest of the whispers that was thrown from person to person within the confinements of the small church.

"This is how we live now, and we can either thrive from it or die by it."

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"Describe it."

"It was a...uh...rectangular compound, it wasn't that big, I saw a place where they stored food."

"so you've been there?"

"Yeah. I think there's a armory, but we can't be sure that they actually have one."

"And why are we doing this at night time?"

"You do know when you say "we" you're not included right?" Luke asked

"Yeah I know... Daryl won't let me go anyway." I glared at my dad

"Hey! You know why I don't want you to go, I'm still pissed at you and right now I don't trust you that much."

"As I was saying, why are you doing this at night time?"

"Because they'll never see us coming, it'll be dark and it's the best time to strike, when they're all asleep and they least expect it. They don't know us, they don't know who we are, we have an advantage." Rick explained

"There's only one way in and we'll have to bust it open."

"We won't have to bust it in, they're gonna let us walk right on in."

"And why would they do that?"

"Because they want Gregory's head right?"

My eyes widened because I knew this man, I knew his thoughts and the way his mind worked, so I wasn't as nearly as shocked as I should've been when those words slipped from his mouth...

"So we're gonna give it to 'em"

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"So who left?"

"Pretty much my entire family and the rest of the group apart from you, Judith obviously, Connor, Rachel and Enid." I sighed, "I don't blame my dad for not letting me go though... After the way I spoke to him and what I said about Sophie, he was just trying to help me..."

"What did you say about Sophie?" Carl questioned

A look of hurt flashed across Carl's face at the mention of Sophie, I hated to see him that way. Looking so seemingly helpless over something that he had never had any sort of control over.

"What did you say about her?" His voice began to rise.

"What did you say Lydia?" His voice had grown even louder, but it wasn't able to hold its tone as it cracked at the end of his sentence.

"My dad said he didn't want no daughter of his dying and I told him that Sophie already had, I swear nothing is ever going to compare to the look of hurt on his face when- when I said that to him."

"How could you say that about her? She was our best friend... How could... Why would you say that?"

"I don't know where it came from..." I pinched the bridge of my nose, "I just can't keep all of this bottled up, there's been so many people we've lost and after you got shot you couldn't even remember half of them and I have to carry that burden alone, I'm not saying that I want you to be in more pain than you already are its just that I feel like I'm entirely alone now and I don't know how to handle any of this."

"Make me remember."

"What?"

"I want to remember those people, I don't want you to feel alone."

"Carl I can't make you do that, I don't want to burden you."

"Okay... Then why don't we do something? Something we did when we were younger, maybe that way you won't have to make me remember, it might just all come back to me."

At this point Judith let out a cry and I quickly rushed over to her, lifting the small child into my arms.

"Ing!" Judith squealed, I let out a chuckle, knowing exactly what she meant.

Whenever Judith would cry at the prison Beth was always there to comfort her and would quietly sing to her songs from the Bible and such, but considering I wasn't such a religious person I sang the first song that came to mind.

"It was a mistake,
I didn't intend for it to be this way
Just a simple mistake...
and maybe the biggest one I'll ever make..."

"Molly are you with me?
Molly are you with me?
Then why aren't you answering?
Oh god please kill me."

"I think I... messed up big time
I was at the wrong place
at the wrong time
up all night wondering why my question has no reply
Black and blue from lack of seeing you...

Turn off the lights and kiss me goodnight
even though mom won't be all right
Mom won't be all right
can we go back to last night
before I messed up big time
up big time..."

And by the time I'd finished the song, Judith was now lay calmly in my arms, her small eyelids beginning to droop. I placed her back in her crib before I turned back towards Carl, seeing him now staring at me shocked.

"I had no idea you were this good with her."

"She's family, I take care of her now and hopefully one day shell take care of me when I need her most."

"I can take care of you."

"I'm sick hearing that."

"What?" Carl's face was full of shock

"We keep going back and forth telling each other we care about each other and we're gonna be there for each other from now on and we have these serious talks constantly and I'm just tired of it Carl... It's always the same, I want us to be the way we were before all of this when we were happy and could talk to each other without it being about death or wars or injury."

"Why are you being like this?"

"Because Carl I'm going crazy and people are dying around me everyday and I can't help but wonder when it's gonna be my turn."

And without any warning... He kissed me.

"Kiss me back."

"What?" I mumbled against his lips

"I said kiss me back you dork."

It was only a few seconds later when we pulled away and a small smirk lit up his face.

"Not everything is always the same now is it?"