I need you here with me // Carl Grimes [EDITING]

Eighty Two - Until The Very End

The next morning I could barely open my eyes. Everything was blurry and the sunlight from his open bedroom window blinded me. Five years, five whole years had passed and I still wasn't over my loss of Carl Grimes. I wore my ring every day and told Judith stories of her hero brother, of all the good he did, not the bad. I slept in his bed, in his bedroom, in his house and kept his memory alive as best I could.

Sometimes, when I was hardly awake and was trapped in a restless sleep, I would find myself reaching across the sheets of his bed reaching out for him as if it were still possible to find him there. And then reality would crash back into me like a wave and I would remember where he was. Gone.

Just like everything I knew, it was all gone. My brother, Carl, Rick, my cousin. All that was left of the world I knew was Michonne, my father and I. And Judith of course.

"Lydia?" A small voice asked, "Are you awake?"

"Hey Judith... I didn't wake you again did I?" I spoke groggily, knowing my nightmares were probably the reason for Judith being awake so early.

"No, I just... I couldn't sleep, I wanted you to tell me more about him."

"Who?"

"My brother."

"Come on." I motioned to the bed beside me, "Sit."

Silently, Judith took the sheriffs hat from her head and handed it to me just as she always did when she crept into my room and asked to hear more about Carl.

"What do you want to know J?"

"I can't remember his voice... or what he looked like, when you tell me stories I remember." She explained with a hint of pain in her voice, "So tell me anything, please."

"Well, there was a time before Carl and I were in love, when I was happy with another boy. The new world had just started and the dead came back and I was stuck with this other boy, Mark. We survived and were happy together for a while, but in the back of my mind I always remembered your brother... Then when Mark got bitten and died, I couldn't bring myself to leave him and so he turned and tried to kill me, just like all walkers do. But your brother... Carl saved me. I hadn't seen him for almost a year and there he was, he shot Mark and saved my life and I loved him ever since... If it wasn't for him I couldn't be here right now. I owe everything to him."

"Did you really love him?"

"I still do, yes."

"Then why haven't you read his letter?" My blood ran cold. "It's been five years... I know you still have it Lydia."

"It's more complicated than that J... if I read that letter then it's like it's really over, like he's really gone."

"Carl is always going to be with you Lyds, just like he's with me. You keep his memory alive."

"How are you so smart?"

"You're pretty much my sister, I learnt from the best."

"I love you, you know that right?"

"I know." She smiled before a quiet sigh left her body, "You should probably get up, I heard my mom talking... He's asking for you guys again."

"Got it, I'll get up and get ready, you go get some breakfast okay?" I passed Carl's hat back to her, my touch lingered on the material for as long as possible.

"Okay, bye Lyds."

"See you later  Judy."

With those final few words exchanged between us Judith left the room and I lay in his bed, staring at the dust coated white envelope that lay without touch on the dresser just as it had for almost five years.